Summer: Part 1

Hi Readers,

I'm sorry that I have neglected this blog for so long. This summer was quite busy, and I simply forgot about it until now. So here is a little post about what I've been doing all this time.

This summer, I worked at an internship at a company called Maxim Integrated. No, it's not the magazine (though it would've been cool to be a photographer for the Maxim magazine). It's actually a company that makes integrated on-chip solutions. My project at Maxim involved doing some work with video processing using the iPad video encoding format, as well as some work involving Maxim's gate drivers and various LCD panels. The work was fun and very interesting, and I learned a lot about LCD technology. I also re-learned a lot of digital design in my quest to coerce the FPGA into processing video data for me. Unfortunately my quest was not completed before I had to leave by the end of the summer, but I hope that all my work wasn't in vain.

I had an eventful summer, with all of my friends nearby, and being in California as well. I climbed the fabled Half Dome at Yosemite with one of my best friends SB, which was super fun. We started the climb at 2am, and reached the top around 9am. I was fully expecting us to have to turn around halfway up, because SB was slightly out-of-shape, sick, and hanging on to his inhaler the entire way up (asthma?). However, he pushed on relentlessly, and I was super proud of him for accomplishing the entire climb. Pictures below!

A week after climbing Half Dome, me and a few friends decided to go summit Mt. Shasta, and take a glacier training class through Shasta Mountain Guides. It was a great experience, and it was the first "real" mountain climb that I did. I did do Mt. Fuji a few years before, but that was more of just walking up a trail, while Mt. Shasta involved a lot of use of crampons and an ice axe. We drove up on a Thursday night, climbed to the base camp on Friday, did glacier and snow training on Saturday, summited to the top on Sunday (leaving base camp at 3am!), and returned from base camp home on Monday. It was extremely tiring, but so rewarding. There were some low points, of course. I experienced pretty bad altitude sickness the first day, so I was glad that we had an extra day to acclimatize to the altitude before summiting. We also ran out of water on the way down the mountain, leaving us all very dehydrated. There were very steep parts on the glacier, on which I thought that I would slip and drag us all to a lot of broken bones. However, the good parts way outweighed the bad parts. We (butt-)glissaded in all sorts of poses (head-first, foot-first, on the back, on the stomach, etc) and learned how to stop ourselves, which was super fun. I also did some boot-glissading on the way down the mountain, more because of sheer exhaustion, but also because our guide Polly encouraged me to give it a shot.

While I was climbing the mountain, I remember looking up at the summit and thinking, "omg that is so tall and so far away...how in the world are we supposed to make it to the top?" Even as we got closer and closer, the same question still lingered in my mind. It wasn't until we made it to the summit and looked about, that I realized how far up we had actually walked. It was such an uplifting moment, to realize that we had successfully summited one of the most technically difficult mountains to summit in California.

That's all for now. More to come later.

FCDH

The Cables at the top of Half Dome

Me and SB at the top of Half Dome!

Me at the top of Mt. Shasta

Falling into Disrepair!

Hi Readers!

Sorry I haven't been keeping up my blog recently! It's been tremendously busy - I'll update it soon, I swear!

Just a quick update. I'm going to Chicago for a friend's wedding this weekend, which will be my first ever wedding that I attend! Excited!!

-FCDH

A Year's Summary

Hi Readers,

So much has happened in a single year, both in my own life and the world around me. From the Arab Spring to the earthquake in Japan, billions of lives were dramatically changed all around the world. Don't Ask Don't Tell was repealed, and the war in Iraq was ended. Herman Cain and Michelle Bachmann became household names, and Rick Perry's political career took a nosedive.

On Jan. 1st, 2011, I didn't know what my future post-graduation held. I thought I had equal probability to go into graduate school or industry. For grad school, I expected to be in UC Santa Barbara or Berkeley. Stanford didn't even factor into my calculations. I had applied to Stanford simply because I had ordered an extra leftover transcript and I thought it shouldn't go to waste. Look where I am now. Funny, eh?

Did you know that I was interviewing for full-time positions? I had interviewed until the final rounds for a position for Mitsubishi in Japan, and for National Instruments in Texas. A part of me thought I would go to industry for sure. Why not Japan? Why not a clean break from my past? Was I too scared to go through with it? Is that the reason why I chose to come to grad school?

I couldn't have seen myself entering another relationship so soon. I didn't even know anything about California. Sure, I had heard that there were more gay people here, but then again who knows? Am I even attractive to others? Could I even get anyone if I wanted to? I knew only one thing - I would learn how to face the world bravely, alone or not. But I was scared shitless.

My resolutions for this year.
-Learn Surfing
-Visit South America
-Learn Arabic
-Summit Half Dome
-Visit Redwood, Mt. Lassen, Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Joshua Tree Natl Parks
-Visit Chinatown in SF! (haha this one should be easy to achieve)

New Years is always a time for anxiety and excitement. I am curious to see what the next 365 days will bring, and what the future me will think of the current me.

-FCDH

Perfect and Amazing Stanford

Hi Readers,

So I have been slightly lagging in Stanford updates because things have been so busy here! The last few posts have been kinda depressing, but don't let that fool you. Things have been going splendidly here, and I will proceed to tell you about all the great things of Stanford.

I will start by saying that I was actually very worried about Stanford when I first came in here. Before I came here, some people were very negative about Stanford. Combine that with the horrible EE grad school visit, and I really had low expectations for Stanford. But I couldn't have been more wrong about Stanford.

I am living in a quad room, in a graduate dorm. This is one of the best decisions that I made with regards to Stanford. I knew that I would be lonely and bored all by myself if I was just in a single/studio, so I aimed for max impact when I applied for housing, and just aimed for all the high-occupancy rooms (quads, triples, etc). My roommates here are awesome! There's JN who is also gay and lives a fabulous non-stop life; RK who is chill and always down for whatever is happening; and AG who is well-read and claims he never wants to leave grad school. Out of all of them, I bond the most with JN because we have similar backgrounds. He's also extremely hot. Kudos to housing committee on roommate selection.

In only a month here, I have done more outdoor activities than in all 4 years at Illinois. Already, I've visited both Yosemite, the Ventana Wilderness, and I'm planning on hitting Lake Tahoe next weekend. This is all thanks to Stanford's hiking club, called the Redwood Club. The weekend trips that RC plans are really amazing and cheap! The Yosemite trip was a little bit of a letdown, because a week of snow closed down Half Dome, which meant we were not able to summit it (although we still saw Vernal and Nevada falls and hiked both the Mist and John Muir trails).

This week has been a completely whirlwind of amazement. On Wednesday, I headed up to San Francisco with some friends, to an LGBT mixer for students and alumni from Ivy League schools / Stanford. There, I met a Stanford professor who had an extra ticket for a German film festival on Friday, and who invited me along. I accepted, and so on Friday the four of us went to see a German film at the Castro theater (Joschka und Herr Fischer). After the movie was finished, the reception was held at the German Consulate in San Francisco. So we tagged along and got to visit the magnificent consulate, eat amazing German food, and drink German wine and champagne. I met a bunch of entrepreneurs, the film director, and even the German Consul himself. I got home at 1:30am and packed hurriedly, and tried to get some sleep before the trip tomorrow (I got 2.5 hours).

This past weekend's trip to Sykes Hot Springs could probably count as the best outdoor backpacking/camping experience I've ever had. The 12 of us woke up at 5am on Saturday morning, piled into cars, and drove south along the beautiful Pacific Coast Highway 1 down from Stanford to Big Sur. We then hiked 10 miles (mostly uphill) to the hot springs itself. The weather throughout was amazing, with nary a single cloud in sight. We arrived at the hot springs at around 5pm, and set up camp very close by to the hot springs. "Setting up camp" entailed laying down two large tarps and putting our sleeping bags and mats on it, because there was no forecast for rain at all. We then went for a long dip in the springs, cooked dinner, and went for a late night dip again.

For the late night dip, the others didn't want to wait for people to vacate the hotter spring, so they traipsed off to a cooler spring. VM and I waited for about 15 minutes until the people left, and we jumped in the hotter springs by ourselves. It was well worth the wait, and nobody else came by for the rest of the night. The entire soak, we just looked at the clear starry sky and talked about life. Despite only having met her 15 hours ago, we talked and confided in each other as if we were best friends. We left the springs after everyone had already gone back and went to bed. The sleep I got that night was the best night's sleep I've ever gotten outdoors. My new sleeping mat felt as good as a mattress, the temperature was perfect (60), and there were no bugs whatsoever. In the morning we woke up early, cooked breakfast, and then took a soak again. Afterward we hiked back down the mountain and returned to civilization.

Right now, I am considering signing a ski lodge lease for the winter/spring ski season at Lake Tahoe. If this happens, which I am 80% sure it will, I will very probably be heading up to snowboard at least twice a month. I am very excited and hope that everything will turn out perfectly.

My jubilation and infatuation with California has been akin to an exponential increase. The events that happened in the past week seem unreal to me. California is abound with opportunities that Illinois can only dream about. I am in love with Stanford and California. I can't believe I ever considered staying at Illinois for graduate school. I am seizing life right now as if there is no tomorrow.

Life is amazing.

-FCDH

Leaving Illinois

Hi Readers,

First, a short update. Before my internship started, when I was deciding on when I should end my internship at NI, the internship coordinator gave me several choices of dates. Because of the whole visa issue that international students have to face, I guess there was some misunderstandings between me and the internship coordinator on the end date. I understood it to be that I was ending my internship on Aug 26th, while she thought I was leaving on September 9th. So I got a pleasant surprise the day before my internship was supposed to end. My supervisor said, "um, according to HR, you're not supposed to leave for another 2 weeks." HR offered me the choice of leaving now or on Sept 9th, and I decided to stay a little later in Austin to work a little more. As Stanford starts in mid-September, I didn't see a harm in doing that.

I had originally planned for this weekend to be my moving weekend, from Illinois to California. However, as I didn't have enough time to change around my flights, I settled for buying 2 extra tickets in order to fly back to Austin after I move my stuff into San Francisco. My itinerary was extremely packed, and essentially I only had 20 hours in Champaign to do everything that I needed to do. This included consolidating all my luggage, some of which were scattered around with several people. I also had to meet up with so many people that I couldn't manage to meet them all, which was a shame.

I was so worried about all the luggages that I had. I managed to pack all of my worldly possessions into three suitcases, and three carry-on luggages. But I was so stressed about getting all the luggages on the plane. Even though I had brought 5 suitcases with me when I first moved to Illinois, we had three people at the time, and the suitcases were nowhere near the weight they are now. This time, the three suitcases weighed 60, 70, and 80 lbs, respectively. But thank god I chose to fly Virgin America. I don't think I could have found a cheaper alternative to get my 5 luggages across the US. The extra baggage fees that I was charged came out to a grand total of $175, and this was for 5 checked luggages, with 3 of them being over the weight limit. Of course, this was only possible thanks to the help of Virgin America and their friendly staff. Their great service and flight amenities are incredible; I have never taken a domestic flight as good as the VA flight I am currently on.

It is still so weird to consider that I am leaving Champaign, most likely forever. All the good friends that I made in the last 4 years will all be so far away now. Sure, I'll be able to talk to them over Gchat or Skype, but it just won't be the same as the human physical interaction. The same will happen to the friends that I made in Austin this summer. Yet it still hasn't really hit me yet, not really. I feel like it will just be a short time until I can see them again. Somehow, the large distance that separates us doesn't seem that large anymore.

Perhaps I am finally maturing enough to accept the fact that life comes with change, and that we cannot fight it. We should embrace the change, and look forward to those moments where we'll be able to reunite with those that we have lost touch with. Though sometimes it will be sad to think about the past, it should always be exciting to start laying down roots in a new place, and to explore even more what life can offer us.

-FCDH

Expect the Unexpected

Hi Readers,

So this post will touch on a personal observation that I've made. Every single time that I have had any luck with guys, it always has been when I did not expect it. When I don't plan for it, things just seem to happen. Whereas when I do plan consciously for it, nothing happens. It is pretty weird, but I guess it kind of makes sense. Perhaps I tense up and get nervous when I do expect something to happen, whereas if I am not expecting it then I act more relaxed and enjoy myself more. Or perhaps it is a mental block that's developed there, I don't know.

This past weekend, I was suffering from slight withdrawal because most of my friends here in Austin have left. My last remaining roommate was, as usual, playing video games. As he always does. Usually I have other the other roommates to turn to to distract myself from his constant yelling at the other players. But for some reason I just couldn't be around him that day. So I packed some water, and set off on the bus towards downtown Austin. I didn't really plan for anything, I just thought about walking around. And so I got off at Barton Springs and walked through Zilker Park. I got mobbed by a friendly cute dog there, who ran away from his owner toward me, tail wagging at full force, and would not stop following me as I tried to keep walking without tripping over him (his owner had to come take him away while apologizing profusely). Things just got better from there - I guess it was a good omen.

After souvenir shopping for what I thought was my last weekend in Austin, I invited my friend CL out for a drink. She came out and we went to this place that had $10 Long Island pitchers. We split a pitcher and each had about 6 glasses, and in the meanwhile she ascertained from me that I had never really seriously checked out a gay club. So, armed with the fuzziness from the alcohol, she proceeded to drag me to a gay bar and then to Rain, another gay club.

The entire time I felt ridiculous - imagine, me wearing my flip flops, sweaty from the roughly 5 mile hike I did earlier that day, carrying a pack full of postcards and other souvenirs, going to all of these places. It didn't help (initially) that she kept trying to initiate conversation with other guys for me. She'd go up to people with her conversation starters..."what's that drink?"..."you have toilet paper on your shoe"...and then she'd introduce me. There were times when I just wanted to disappear into the ground. I was literally that embarrassed.

But at Rain, the guy that she initiated a conversation with (with the toilet paper on his shoe) turned out to be conceivably the most interesting person I have ever met in my life. He's half Japanese and half Puerto Rican, is fluent in English, Spanish, and Japanese, and is attractive as hell. =) He grew up in a military family and has lived in Tokyo for much of his life. We ended up dancing together for the rest of the night, and then before I left we exchanged numbers.

I went out to dinner with him yesterday. Had coffee afterward. Many hours passed in a flash. He is a good kisser. =)

2 more weeks in Austin. Who knows what the unexpected will bring in this time?

-FCDH

Loving the World by Yourself, Part II

Hi Readers,

Last summer when I was in Japan, I wrote about being self-sufficient in living a social life and doing the activities that one could do. This summer, armed with a cellphone (versus last summer when I didn't have one) and located in a city with a plethora of activities, I set out to explore a little bit more details of being by yourself vs. being with friends.

I am sure that most people grew up being around other people, whether it be family or friends. My hypothesis is that this makes us reliant on others for the activities that we do when we have the free time. But how this affects our psyche and our potential range of activities is an important consideration. This is why I want to explore this issue - because it may be a factor in our quest in living a happier life.

To explore this issue, I combined a host of activities this summer, both group-based and solo-based. I noticed a couple of trends.

The larger group activities were mostly about socializing, while the solo and small group activities were mostly about exploring. Both were fun, but I got a strong sense of limited-by-common-denominator when we hung out in groups. I would say that, through the group activities, I had more fun but developed almost no additional skills or new knowledge. We visited the Oasis as a group, where we watched an amazing sunset over Lake Travis. We went rock climbing together, which I guess developed the skills of other people but not of myself since I planned it. I also planned a group trip to go bungee jumping, which was really the only activity this summer that gave me a new experience in life.

As a person constantly in search of new experiences and knowledge, I found myself trying to put together various trips and activities that excited me. However, I had a difficult time trying to find groups that would be willing to go with me. It was for this reason that only one major group success - bungee jumping - emerged out of the summer. No visits to the Schlitterbahn Waterpark (the best waterpark in the US), no jet skiing or water skiing on Lake Travis, both of which were big losses for me. One question lingers in my mind though - why didn't I just go by myself? What was holding me back from doing that?

At the beginning of the summer, I though it was easier to embark on solo trips. Which I did - exploring downtown Austin's scenery and food scene, the rural Texas areas surrounding Austin, and hiking at Enchanted Rock. However, whenever I do go alone, why is it that I always think - I wish others could be here to see this? Why do I feel a slight tinge of sadness at being alone by myself when I am exploring these new things? As the summer progressed, it became harder to do things by myself. When many of my intern friends began leaving, it became even harder, and things just seems a little bit duller.

Being with other people in a group just seems right. It is probably a social norm that's been instilled into me by the culture around me. So I think that I will ultimately settle for doing things with other people. It doesn't have to be gigantic groups of people, but I think I need to be with at least one other person in order to have fun. I will probably end up doing what I did this summer, which is to plan events that I personally want to try out, and find some people that are willing to go with me. The problem is - what if nobody wants to come? Who will I go with for outdoor climbing at Yosemite?

A bigger question - as me and the people around me grow older, I'm positive they will all become more tied up. Responsibilities galore, essentially. Will I be able to find people to try out stuff with? How will I find my experience/knowledge fix then? My current supervisor is a good example of this. He used to be a daredevil with paragliding, rock climbing, base jumping, you name it. If it's wild and dangerous, he's tried it. But now? He has a wife, two kids, and he says he can no longer do any of those things. When I ask him if he misses it, he always smiles wistfully and says "a bit, but my priorities have changed."

Perhaps that's what being with someone does to you. You are no longer by yourself in the world, after all.

-FCDH

A Primer on Austin

Hi Readers,

After spending an entire summer in Austin, I thought I would write a blog post all about the awesome city that is Austin. So here goes.

The first thing you need to do is to decouple the words "Austin" from the "TX" that follows it on the address labels. Apart from the constant "y'all"s that are heard around town, I have heard from many Texans that Austin is very different from the rest of Texas. Politically, it is known as the blue dot in a sea of red that is the rest of Texas, and this is very visible all over Austin. The city has adopted the unofficial slogan, "Keep Austin Weird," a prominent sign of its progressive nature. The city is extremely liberal, from the environmental viewpoint with recycling, to its stance on gay couples (i have seen many gay couples holding hands and walking around town.) Unfortunately the Texas Legislature is trying its best to disenfranchise the Austin voters by dividing up the liberal Travis county's political influence among its conservative neighboring counties. However, it does not diminish Austin's star power by much.

In terms of entertainment and recreation, Austin is unparalled in the breadth of activities that it offers. Among all the cities in the world that I have visited, I would rank Austin in the top 3. Tourists can stroll around the beautiful Texas State Capitol building, and watch the daily flying of the bats, as the millions of bats emerge from underneath the Congress Ave bridge and fly off into the night. The awesome Barton Springs allows people to jump in a cool natural spring just minutes away from downtown Austin. The Lady Bird Lake is right smack in the middle of downtown Austin, and it is a great place to go kayaking or boating. All along the lakeside and Zilker Park lies beautiful nature and miles of trails that run all along the lake. You can even stop by the Center for Performing Arts, where they will usually be having an outdoor concert on the vast lawn.

For a great shopping and dining experience, all that one has to do is to walk south along Congress Avenue. The South Congress area features many eclectic shops and boutique stands, as well as food stands and trucks that remind me a lot of the fun chaotic shopping experience that one can find in Asia. The food trucks are my favorite part of South Congress, as it feels like an outdoor food court, surrounded by market stands and serenading musicians. On weekends, downtown 6th street has the most amazing display of nightlife that I've ever seen. The entire road, which is surrounded by bars on either side, is closed down to vehicle traffic, and bar-goers crowd the entire road while searching for their perfect bar. Speaking of bars, Austin's live music scene really is amazing, as pretty much every single bar in downtown Austin will have a different live band playing at any time of night. It is always fun to just walk down the street and hear all the different bands playing, ranging from country music to jazz. Food-wise, there are a lot of great things to eat in the Austin area. My personal favorite is the Texas BBQ, probably one of the best foods that I've had in the US. My two favorites are Rudy's and Salt Lick, and every time I go to these places I always get at least 1 lb of meat to eat. It is somewhat excessive but I just love it so much.

But the most incredible thing about Austin is its surroundings. Drive half an hour north-west of Austin and you'll reach Lake Travis, from where you can watch one of the ten best sunsets in the US at the Oasis, or do watersports, or go to the water park at Volente beach. There are loads of swimming holes around the Austin area, which are all amazing places to chill for an afternoon when it is over 100 degrees outside. Just 2 hours west of Austin lies Enchanted Rock, a giant rock formation that juts out of the ground and makes for a great hike and viewpoint. Austin lies in the hill country region of Texas, and there are plenty of places to go rock climbing or to go tubing down a river.

Austin is such a great mix of activities that it is hard to imagine anybody running out of activities to do here, or being bored here. It should be a crime to waste your weekends on TV or computers here. I have done many things here, including bungee jumping, outdoor rock climbing, swimming, and of course partying. It is somewhat hard to see how Stanford and the Bay Area could be better than this summer in Austin. But I am hoping that California will be a lot better.

-FCDH

Graduation!

Hi Everyone,

This past weekend, I finally graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Right now it feels so weird, to know that I'll probably never be back here in the capacity as a student in the future ever again, and to know that 4 years have passed already since I came in as a freshman.

On Thursday, my sister and my parents came over from Taiwan. Their plan was to spend 5 days in the US, including 3 days in Chicago and 2 days in Champaign. It didn't go off to a good start - I went up on Wednesday night, intending to just sleep overnight at O'Hare and meet them when they arrived on the early morning flight on Thursday. At O'Hare I found out that: the airport terminal closes from midnight until 5am, and that their flight was delayed from Wednesday night until Thursday afternoon because of the bad weather that was plaguing Chicago (I was really hoping for a tornado, as a parting souvenir gift from the American Midwest, but it never manifested itself. Boo). Thanks to the quick response of EE at midnight (Thank god she responded to my text message), I was able to crash at her place for the night.

The whirlwind tour of Chicago started on Thursday and went until Saturday. In the middle, we saw Grant Park, Millenium Park, an architectural boat cruise, and the Field Museum. I planned on doing more with my parents, but due to jet lag they were not up for doing all that was possible. Overall it was good. I took them to Giordanos, where they finally tried Chicago's stuffed crust pizzas (and loved it).

Hanging out with my parents definitely stressed me out, however. They are somewhat racist and conservative (my dad more so than my mom), which made it uncomfortable to have quality conversations with them. I swear, my dad is like the Taiwanese version of a Republican. I even had to convince my dad that Obama isn't a Muslim. Ugh. Sometimes I can't believe that I am actually their son.

On the first day they arrived, I was so happy at first to see them. Things started to go downhill as soon as my mom asked me if I had a girlfriend yet. I basically told her to stop living under the delusion that it was going to happen. And then she started to beg me to get a girlfriend. I almost lost it right there. It was hard to restrain myself, to keep myself from being disrespectful to my parents. If not for the fact that they were on their vacation, and the fact that I was trying my best to give back to them as a show of my thanks, I would have flipped out right there. She dropped it and it was never brought back up again for the rest of the trip, of which I am thankful.

I found graduation (both the campus and engineering ones) to be somewhat dull. I was yawning throughout and found my eyes wandering the crowd. In my opinion Bill Daley was a much better commencement speaker than the guy they had for the engineering commencement. I also had a lot of fun listening to the catcalls and whistles and other cheers that the audience had for different people....I'm pretty sure I heard a vuvuzuela at more than one point as well. I cheered for my friends when their names were called. It felt so weird walking across that stage, to shake both professors' hands, and to know that now it's officially over.

The last day in Chicago that I spent with my family was the best time I had with them. The weather was great, I took them to Sears Tower, and we ate Giordanos. It was a great way to cap off their trip. I tried my best to show them a great time here, so I am hoping that they had a great time here.

I took a couple of days break in the middle of writing this blog entry and my mood now is a lot better than when I had to say goodbye to all my friends. I know it will be hard to rebuild friendships and connections, but it is simply a process of life.

Next post about the trip to Mammoth Caves that I took.

-FCDH

An Uber Long Spring Break Recap

Hi Readers,

Ok, I've been putting this off for awhile. The past two weeks have been very hectic for me, mostly because I spent an awesome spring break actually doing fun stuff, and not just cooped up at home! =). Unfortunately this means I do have a backlog of stuff that I was catching up on. I also have a backlog of things I want to blog about, which I will start doing now because I kinda drank a lot of caffeine today and it has not been good because right now I am super alert and hyper and probably will not be able to fall asleep until 5am.

So this spring break was probably the best spring break I've ever had, hands down. For the past couple of spring breaks I have been stuck on campus, working at the study abroad office. Last spring break was very enjoyable too, going to the EWB conference in Denver and hanging out with Lauren. But this spring break added a whole professional dimension to it. Here was what went down.

So on the Friday that spring break started, I unfortunately did not get any sleep at all because I was up all night doing laundry and packing my things. At around 1pm, KL and I hopping into his car, and KL drove me to Indianapolis Airport, where I was supposed to catch a flight to Los Angeles. Here was the first excitement. Because of some storms in the south, American had delayed my flight by 2 hours. Well, this would have meant that I would miss the last bus of the night that I was supposed to take from LA to Santa Barbara. So...I pleaded and pleaded with the Asian lady behind the counter to do something, anything, to right this wrong. She put me on an alternative flight through Chicago, which was supposed to arrive 15 minutes AFTER my bus was supposed to leave. Slightly hopeful, I called the bus company and pleaded for them to hold the bus an extra 15 minutes until I arrived. They acquiesced.

Well, thanks to headwinds, I made it into LA 15 minutes later than I should have. It is now 10:30pm and the bus was supposed to leave at 10. I'm thinking, there's no way the bus is still here. Damn it. But, I managed to call the bus company (cellphone records show I called them 10+ times that day), and they said that the bus was still there! Albeit it was at the last pickup stop before it left the airport, and this stop was very convenient located - at the farthest terminal from my location. So I ran for it. I sprinted the entire way. And made it as the bus was getting ready to pull out. Success! I made it onto the bus 50 minutes after it was supposed to have left. My friend JJ later told me that he had never heard of anyone making the bus so late. I made it to Santa Barbara at around 1am, and my friend JJ picked me up from the bus stop and took me back to his place. Along the way, he gets stopped by a cop (2nd time that night) because his friend's car (which he was borrowing) had no headlights. None. The cop laughed at his story and let him go with a warning.

JJ lives in a dorm on the UCSB campus. It's a nice place! On Saturday morning, we wake up early-ish, and walk down to the beach. We arrived at low tide. It's nice! Exactly as I imagined, except for a little cloudier and colder, but that's fine! We walked along the beach for about half an hour, just talking about life in general, before we head back to his place. We pack some food, and go hiking in the hills surrounding Santa Barbara. It was really beautiful, and we managed to snap some photos, climb some rocks, before the rain started. Those were the highlights of SB. For the rest of my stay, it didn't stop raining, and we mostly just hung around at home and watched TV. We did go to a ECE pulled-pork party though, where there was good food, beer, and Wii. It was fun times. At the party I met this guy who was heading up to Stanford the next day (Monday), so I readily ditch my Greyhound ticket (9.5 hour ride) for a ride with him (4.5 hours) in order to get to San Francisco earlier.

Monday morning comes. I wake JJ up (6:30am), say bye, and hop in car with random dude from party. He's a cool guy, a physics grad student at Stanford. He tells me many great things about Stanford, which is somewhat of a relief for me. At around 11:30, we arrive in Palo Alto. I say thanks, part with $10 for his drive, and hop on the CalTrain to go into San Francisco city. I switch to the BART and head to Berkeley, where I meet up with SL for lunch. Haven't seen her in a year, so it's exciting! After lunch (pizza), we get ice cream, and she shows me around Berkeley. It's an awesome campus, and would definitely in serious running with Stanford had I gotten in. We part ways after 3 hours (she has to go to a lab meeting) and I go shopping in Berkeley. I then meet up with TS for dinner, and we talk about his dislike for grad school and life in general. I then bid TS goodbye and head to the CalTrain station, where I miss the train by 10 minutes and must wait 50 minutes for the next train to San Jose. Arrive in San Jose at 11:30pm, walk 15 minutes from train station to hotel, checking behind me the whole time to ensure I won't get mugged, check in, iron shirt and pants, and crash on bed.

Next day I meet up with ECE crew (SH, BP, and MG). We eat breakfast with an ECE alum who works at Intel, and then drive up to San Francisco to meet with a venture capitalist. We spend the rest of the afternoon doing touristy stuff in SF, before heading to Google's headquarters in Mountain View for the ECE alumni event. At the event, I meet a whole bunch of alumni. It was an awesome experience. Plus, open bar and free food! Could that night get any better?

Wednesday, we wake up early, and take the flight to Seattle. We don't have anything planned for that day, so we go do some more touristy stuff! We visit the fish market in downtown Seattle, where we ate awesome clam chowder. It was so good. I'm hungry. Back on topic. After that, we visit Boeing's plant in Everett, and get a tour of their production facility. It was AMAZING! If I wasn't already an electrical engineer, just visiting that plant would make me want to go into aerospace engineering. It was so cool! Seeing and hearing about the production process for all of the Boeing planes, especially the 787, was awesome. At least for me and MG, since we are both engineers. SH and BP looked slightly bored this entire time, lol. That night we ate at this seafood restaurant. It was awesome! The table was covered with a clean cloth, they brought a bucket of seafood, and dumped it right on the table. We tore into it with our hands. It was the best dinner I had in a long time. Hungry again.

Thursday, we wake up early, and tour the Microsoft offices in Redmond. Now I have to say, I did not have a good impression of Microsoft before my visit there. But MS's campus is absolutely amazing. It is so huge, with so many amenities and facilities, that it is mind boggling. The tour guides (all ECE alum) told us that there are more than 80 restaurants there! During the afternoon, we meet with different MS employees, and we talked about how the team structure of MS is setup. That night, we host another alumni event, this time at MS. There were significantly less people at this one than the Google one, but it was still fun. I especially liked talking with a Bing developer and learning the search algorithm that is implemented by Bing. After the event was over, the ECE crew drove me to Seattle's airport, and I flew out on the last flight out of Seattle to Louisville.

Louisville was where EWB's international conference was being held this year. Having left Seattle at 11pm, I arrived in Louisville at 11am, very deprived of sleep. The rest of the time spent at the conference in Louisville was uneventful, apart from us all driving to an awesome ice cream place to eat some ice cream. Along the way we listened to some radio-soap-opera thingy, which I had no idea about. It was a hilarious contemporary rendition of Madame Butterfly, and KA and I laughed the entire way to the ice cream store. On Sunday, we drove back to school.

This was truly the best spring break I'd ever have. It was so much traveling, for both business and pleasure, and I got to visit the West Coast again. After getting a more extensive California experience this time (compared with my short 2-day trip to Stanford the week before), I am completely sure I love California. I am so excited to be going there next year!

Anyways, that's a long enough post. Till next post!

-FCDH

Easy Cruising USA

Hi Readers,

So after my Canadian driver's license expired on my birthday, I finally decided to take my Illinois driver's test to get my license. Couple of reasons for it. I didn't want to leave Illinois without getting my Illinois driver's license (as kind of a souvenir). Also, I don't have a valid ID now for going to bars, and I'll be damned if I had to bring my passport to bars (another post on this some other day). So those were incentive enough for me to brave the crowds at the DMV (ugh).

It's been on-and-off the process for awhile, starting in my sophomore year. I took the written test during the fall of my sophomore year. I remember braving the elements, and taking the stupid buses to the DMV. Thankfully, this year I had someone who would drive me there, as well as let me borrow his car. I'm very thankful to JW for letting me borrow his car, and waiting with me at the DMV.

Several things I learned during this process:

1) The DMV's website sucks. A LOT. I swear I read somewhere on the website that the written test will remain valid for 8 years, so I went to the DMV expecting to take only the driving test. And then I was very rudely informed by the lady sitting behind the desk that my test had expired, and that I would have to re-take it.

2) The written test is really easy. Not having looked at any materials in the past 2 years, I was kinda freaking out when I walked up to the testing machine to take the test. I had forgotten how easy the test was. Apart from messing up on 4 questions, I passed with flying colors (90%) within a 5 minute period, and promptly left the booth feeling victorious.

3) The driving test is REALLY easy. Oh my god. I was definitely freaking out before the test, and during the test I made several errors. Errors that would've led to me failing in Canada, but errors that the examiner shrugged off in the US. I forgot to turn on my turn signal like 4 times, I forgot to stop at a red light when turning right, and I did my downhill parking incorrectly. So after 5 minutes of driving, when the examiner told us to go back to the DMV, I was thinking: "Crap I failed. ARGH. I have to come back again to re-take this crap? AHH THIS SUCKS." And then when the examiner said "Park in the far space" and I accidentally parked in the near one, I though for sure I had failed. Then he said "ok you passed" and I was like "OMG WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!?!?"

I can't describe how ecstatic I was about passing my US driver's test first time, and not having driven for the past 3-ish years. I was so shocked at how lax the US driving exam was. In Canada, the test is definitely much longer, and the examiners don't shy away from failing people. I had to parallel park 3 times in my Canadian test, in different situations (no car, in front of a car, in between 2 cars). In my US test, I had to "parallel park" once, which might as well have been called "pulling over" because there were no other cars on the side of the road.

The 3-point turn in Canada was conducted in an alley dead-end where, if you went too far forward or backward, you would fall into a ditch on either side. The US 3-point turn was done in a parking lot.

I wonder why the US puts such a lack of importance in driving. Letting teenagers get their licenses so early, and having such a lax system, is probably problematic for combating drunk driving efforts.

But as of right now, I'm just happy that I have a license. Yay! Though my hair looks bad in it. Ugh. I need a haircut.

-FCDH

Birthday Smatterings

Hi Readers,

TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm 22 now. SO OLD. Ugh.

Anyways, here is just a short entry about recent happenings and plans, along with a short political note.

Politics first. I hold no grudge toward Republicans that are jumping on Obama's statement about the unconstitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), and the fact that the government will stop defending it in court. However, those Republicans that are flat-out LYING and saying that Obama is not enforcing the law can go to hell. Boehner, this is looking at you.

Obama is required by law to enforce the law until it is repealed by either Congress, or ruled unconstitutional by the judicial system. He is doing exactly what he is supposed to do. But I know that conservative news networks are going to spread this lie like all the other lies, under the guise of the freedom of speech. This supposed "freedom of speech" is what grates on my nerves about the US, and probably the biggest deterrent to me settling down long-term here in the US.

Ok, now updates. First, grad schools:

I found out that I was rejected by MIT, which was not a big deal for me. Actually, it came as more of a relief, because now I won't be plagued by the "California or Boston" debate. It's settled: I'm going to California for grad school. Now, as for where...only time will tell. Apart from Stanford, I've also heard back from UC San Diego (accepted with 1 year fellowship), which I'm 99% sure I will decline. The only way I'll go to UCSD would be if I visited (unlikely since their visitation dates conflict with Stanford's) and fell in love with it. Highly unlikely, especially since the only reason I applied in the first place was because my friend MW at UCSD encouraged me to do so.

I'm still waiting to hear back from Berkeley, UC Santa Barbara, and Caltech. At the moment, assuming I had gotten into all of these schools, I will probably choose between Stanford and UCSB. But honestly, I'm not sure which one yet, but I'll have to see what their offers are.

Now, onto plans.

I'm planning on visiting Stanford during Mar. 10-11, for their DiscoverEE days. I'm so excited! I last visited California when I was 7, and I have long since forgotten that experience. My only knowledge of California right now is LAX, and transferring from the domestic terminal to the international terminal. Horrible experiences there, bleh.

A mere week after the Stanford visit, I'll be heading to California again, this time during spring break. The ECE department is sending 2 students (I'm one of them) to the Google headquarters in San Francisco, and Microsoft headquarters in Seattle, for alumni events. Since that's taking place from Monday-Thursday, I'm hoping to squeeze in a trip to Santa Barbara before it, and an EWB conference in Louisville after it. Here's to hoping everything works out with the trip!

That's all right now. It's 6am. It's my birthday. I've spent 8 hours working on homework today. No parties. I need to go home to sleep ughhhh. Tomorrow will be a tiring day.

-FCDH

Stanford!

Hi Readers,

I got exciting news yesterday! A day after posting that last depressing post about not hearing back from grad schools, I got the good news from Stanford!

I was sitting in my digital signals processing class when I opened my email and saw the innocuous-looking email, titled "Stanford Electrical Engineering - (name)", and immediately though "oh crap, I got rejected from Stanford. No big deal - I wasn't expecting it anyways. My application was kinda crappy. Maybe if...." All these flashed through my mind as I clicked the email open, reading to be disappointed.

At the first word, "Congratulations!", my heart jumped. I was like "omg, I got in!" As I began skimming farther, the next thing that caught my eye was the word "fellowship". My heart jumped again - did I really get a fellowship? The answer - YES!

Apparently I was one of the lucky students to be awarded with the Stanford Graduate Fellowship, which will support my work at Stanford for three years. It's the highest fellowship that they can give out - so I was, and still am, extremely excited about it. Now I know what option I'll probably take if MIT turns out not to accept me!

More to follow! Just wanted a brief update on grad schools. So excited!

-FCDH

Tomorrow Can't Come Any Faster

Hi Readers,

I'm totally crashing right now. I think I'm in denial over the amount of work that I have. This semester sucks so much. I hate my life right now. I've got my 536 book open, but I've only managed to read like 5 pages in the last hour. It is incomprehensible. Why do I do this to myself?

I just want out of here. I just wish I had a concrete yes or no for either grad school or full time work. Two of my friends got acceptances today, to Stanford and Columbia. I've gotten nothing, heard nothing.

People always say that I will get into anywhere I want. I used to believe it, but now I don't anymore. I wish I had spent more time on my grad school applications, maybe made them better. Or perhaps if I had started interviewing for full time jobs in the fall instead of waiting until now.

I can't go out anymore on the weekends. I have gotten no work done over the last 3 weekends while I had fun. I'm paying for it right now, but I've almost used up all my credits.

I feel so happy for my friends who have gotten into their dream grad schools.

I no longer know if I will even go to grad school. What is the point? Everybody I know is more miserable in grad school than they would be working in industry. So I'm interviewing for full-time positions, to the shock of my friends. Some of the jobs seem like a step-down for the skills I have developed doing research. Should I care that anyone could do this job? Should I settle for less?

I no longer know. What is "less"? How is it even defined?

Why am I even speculating when I know nothing? I hate the wait. I need to stop checking facebook and seeing other people's happy statuses.

Tomorrow will be better. I hope.

Hotel California just came on my iTunes. Fuck yeah. I can deal with the damn waveguide physics now.

-FCDH

Merry Christmas 2010

Hi Readers,

Merry Christmas!! This winter, I have been having the best winter break out of all the winter breaks I've spent on campus. Apart from the day when I spent 7+ hours to clean up the apartment, I have been spending every single day with friends. Whether it was dinner parties or ice skating, I've been having so much fun! I did not expect to be so busy this winter, especially since last winter break was sooooooo boring.

Christmas Eve:

Ate an amazing Christmas eve dinner at JS's house. I was on route to try to get some Christmas shopping done (was a fail because I forgot all the stores closed early) when JS was alerted to my presence in CU by my facebook update. Oooo on a tangent - I fixed my broken water heater by myself (that was the facebook update). So proud! Anyways, JS and her dad picked me up, and we went to her house. Had an amazing dinner! Turkey + ham + other goodies. Then JS and I watched "How to Train your Dragon" - twice, with the commentaries turned on the second time. Then we successfully got a BAG OF CRAP from WOOT.COM!! SOOOO excited! I've never seen what was inside these bags, but we'll see. Capped off the night with an amazing load of leftovers. I love JS's family so much!

Christmas Day:

On Christmas day, KK invited me over to her house for gift exchange and dinner (again, since I was here last year too!). In the gift exchange, I gave KK's aunt an organizer, bird-watching binoculars, Taiwanese tea, and a pack of postcards from Tibet. In return, I got a bag of coffee (again!) and 2 mugs (again!). I was pleasantly surprised when I got essentially the same gift, despite choosing a random gift out of a pile. I had fun playing with all the dogs that were in the house. Love dogs! Dinner was amazing, and after dinner we ate some more desserts, before putting in a movie ("I Love You Man") and watching SNL afterward. It was such a great day.

I spent today shopping for gifts for my family. Got my mom a purse, my sister a hat, and my dad a mug that says "I Love You Dad" (or something similar to that). I'll have to find out how to ship it to Taiwan when I can.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to start running again. I've been slipping in my training, and I really really need to start! Marathon's in just 5 months, and I can still only run 8 out of the 26 miles. MUST TRAIN!! I found a running buddy on Craigslist - we'll see how that works out. Maybe a blog post on that later.

Anyways, so excited about the rest of winter break! Have a great break everyone!

-FCDH

Life Update

Hi Readers,

Sorry I haven't given a life update in so long. This month has been horrendously busy, so I'm only starting to blog again now.

1. I found out that I lost my 4.0 GPA this semester, thanks to quantum physics. Kinda sucks, especially since I was so close...still no idea how I did so badly on the final. But I guess I'm lucky that it happened in my senior year rather than my freshman year. In a way, it is somewhat liberating to not have to worry about maintaining a 4.0. In another way, I'm extremely disappointed in myself for not living up to the expectations that I set for myself. It's not the end of the world, but it's the failure of one goal. Maybe unrealistic, but a goal nonetheless.

2. my laptop broke today. On the same day as the physics disaster. What a great day, right? I guess Windows 7 just had to make a mandatory update which just had to cripple my registry. Now I'll have to download the ISO and mount it onto an USB drive and see if I can boot up my computer and repair it. Fingers crossed.

3. my grad school apps are done - but there's a nagging unease inside of me that something bad is going to happen. It's the same unease that accompanied me in quantum physics, so I'm so afraid that I won't get into any other grad schools. Time will tell.

4. I feel like a loser for opting to stay in Champaign. It's my last winter, and my desire to do something is overwhelmed with my desire to save money. Is that reasonable of me? Am I being too thrifty?

Somehow, life hasn't gone the way I wanted this semester. I guess when I came out to my parents, I felt like nothing could get in my way any longer. I felt invincible and free. And now the honeymoon's over - all my uncertainties are crashing back around me. Ignorance is bliss...and now that it's gone, I kind of want it back.

FCDH

Glide Away

Hi Readers,

To those of you that don't already know it, I've taken up longboarding. My friend lent me his old longboard, so I've been practicing with it for the past month or so. The entire experience, from the first time I stepped on a longboard till now, has been quite amusing. Let me walk you through it.

I remember the first time I tried it. I had obtained the board on Friday night after rock climbing at the ARC. I woke up late on the following Saturday morning...like around 3pm late, and I immediately thought about trying it out. I took the board to the back entrance of Siebel center, where there was a slight incline. I stepped on the board, and gently nudged it forward...and about 3 seconds later I jumped off and the board flew away and crashed into...something. What exhilaration! Over the span of the next hour, I gradually moved from going downhill, to learning how to use my feet to propel myself, to going uphill. Granted I was still very unstable at this time, but hey I could stay on a longboard! Another goal accomplished =).

Within a week I was longboarding from home to the EWB office. There was a gentle slope downwards on the way, so I didn't have to propel much. Granted curbs and pedestrians freaked me out, but I managed it alright. The only time I've fallen has been at 2am with my backpack. Scraped my hands a little but it's fine. As time progressed, I've gotten more comfortable. Soon I'm boarding from the office to home...then from the office to other offices, to meetings, restaurants, or even walking with friends. Looking back now, it's hard to believe that a month ago I was still freaking out when the board tilted.

Boarding offers you a new angle on life. From a perch about 4 inches off the ground, you glide smoothly and majestically (or with cacophony and bumps over sidewalk cracks) as scenes and people fly past you. Moving from point A to B is no longer a mindless task ; now it's an exercise of dodging pedestrians, accelerating heartrates whenever there are bumps (which there always are), and planning out your trajectory from 15 feet away.

And you must always have an emergency plan in mind. What happens if that car doesn't stop at the crosswalk, of if that Korean girl gets the deer-in-headlight body freeze, or if the delta impulse from the extra-high sidewalk crack on the board-man momentum sum is enough to reverse the sign of the momentum on the board but not on the man.

Longboarding offers more than a danger of skinned elbows and bruised egos. It offers uncertainty and unpredictability, which is in short supply in our lives... and the tantalizing taste of failure, when you are only accountable to yourself and no other. We all need a taste of failure in our lives, so we can realize our vulnerability in the vast world. Nothing is guaranteed, and planned routes can fall apart at a single wide-eyed glance from a person frozen on your trajectory.

So swerve around, step beyond, and glide away.

-FCDH

Purging an Evil Addiction

Hi Readers,

I finally realized why I was so down in the dumps for the past few weeks... and I finally broke off my tenacious addiction to Civilization 4 today by uninstalling it from my computer. It's been dragging me back into the abyss of lost time ever since I installed it 3 weeks ago. I've been spending excessive time (12+ hours on Saturday) with it, and it just can't continue anymore. I would play Civ4 so much that I couldn't focus on schoolwork enough, and then I'd be depressed that I wasn't doing as well as last semester, even though I'm taking less hours and have less commitment right now. It made me feel pathetic and lost, which made me spend even more time on them. A flashback to high school.

I don't understand why video games are so addictive for me. I know they were made to be that way, but I thought I had developed self control and restraint over my 3 years of multitasking. But my extremely fast slide shocked me to my very core. Back in high school, I spent a lot of time on video games. Entire weekends were devoted to computer games, basically from Friday night all the way till Sunday night. I did MMORPGs with my homestay brother so much that I would create new characters to level up when I got bored with the old one...resulting in an inventory of 8 characters. I played so many games: RO, MapleStory, Gate to Heaven, Civ4, Age of Empires / Mythology, Rise of Nations, Runescape (lol), and so many others that I've lost track of them all.

Looking back, video games were singularly the most destructive influence during my teenage years. The amount of potential that I wasted was so enormous that I'm only making up for it now in college. I always say that we shouldn't regret anything in life, but that's not true - I regret all the time I wasted on video games. All the sports / music / activities / learning I could have been doing in those 5 years all went down the drain. I realized this early in my college experience, which is why I swore off them and haven't seriously touched any in the past 3 years. In return, I've been blessed by an extremely eventful and productive undergraduate career that continues to amaze me every single day. I cherish the lifestyle I live now, and I will not give it up without a fight.

So,

I promise never to install another video game on my computer, and

I promise never to revert back to the old me, who wasted 5 years of his life in the virtual world.

I've never broken my promises, and I don't intend to start now. I'm just glad I realized this addiction before it destroyed my life again. As for the free time I've picked up, I'm going to spend it on a project to develop a website for Campus Surplus on behalf of the SSC. As for weekends, I'm going to start training for the marathon that I just signed up for in the spring. I'm going to reach for my goals instead of languishing in the murky bog of my past.

To hell with wasted time...life's better than that.

-FCDH

A Slow Motion Crash

Much has happened recently in my life, but I haven't been able to get motivation to do much. Despite dropping CS 225, I bombed both the GRE and my first ECE 464 midterm. The piles of dishes at home are obscene. Laundry is waiting to be done. Still need to write my paper. Still have to process those reimbursements.

I can't get the will to do any of it. I'm lost, and the only thing I know is that I'm falling. Here goes a long discourse that is disgusting in the amount of self-wallowing-in-pity there is. Let it serve as a warning to some, and advice to others.

I spent my freshman, sophomore, and junior years vaulting myself high into the air, towards the stars. It started off as a desire to experience as much as possible, in order for myself to live a fulfilling life. I was a nobody with no direction to my life - it was the perfect time to start. There was only one direction to go, and that was up. Curiosity and ambition quickly made me take on more and more, and I always told myself that I was sincere in everything I tried and did. Along the way, I looked at people who held their noses high and looked down on others, and I scoffed at the lack of substance in their supposed "accomplishments". I warned myself against becoming one of these people.

Somewhere along the line, things morphed insidiously inside of me. I guess I wanted to stand out from the pack. I wanted my name to be known, for it to be spoken with respect, and for myself to be able to look back and say proudly, "look at all that I accomplished." I wanted myself to be different from the nobody that I've been my whole life.

Well, I got it. I was distinguished with ceremonies and banquets. I was showered with awards and praise. And somewhere in the middle, I lost my soul. I became a puppet to what society deemed "admirable". I set high hoops for myself, and took it as a given that I would jump through them. The seemingly logical argument gradually formed in my mind - if I could build myself up from a nobody to get to where I am today, then anyone else should be able to do it. I became arrogantly proud and self-confident, and looked down on everybody from the perch that I had constructed for myself. I held disdain at those who had the potential to do great things, but who wasted it. I gradually became the person I wanted to avoid becoming, except I didn't even realize it.

Well, I gave up a lot of responsibilities this semester. Why I did it, I don't know. I guess I was just tired of the effort and stress that it takes to maintain it. And I found myself re-transforming into a nobody again. But even worse, a nobody that people still look up to and respect. I feel like a hypocrite when people praise me for what I've done, when people see my past accomplishments but don't realize how pathetic I am now. There's still a high bar of expectation there, except I can't jump over it anymore, not even for myself. Worse than that, my arrogance has remained, except now it lacks substance.

I don't have anything more to give. I'm so tired of constantly striving to achieve more. So tired. But withdrawal is setting in. I don't want to give up being the same person who I was the past 3 years. I feel like there's still potential there.

But do I even like that person? If not, who am I supposed to become otherwise?

How did things go so wrong? I feel like crap. My life is such a lie.

-FCDH

Saying No to Alcohol

Hi Readers,

You may or may not know that I received surprising results from my health checkup in Taiwan this summer. I knew that something was probably wrong when my doctor kept saying "huh?" when he was looking at the sonograph of my belly region.

Basically, I have a tumor in my liver. To be more specific, there are 3 tumors.

These developed over the span of a year, as they were not there when I had my health checkup a year ago. Quite scary! Although he informed me that it's rare for tumors in the liver to turn malign, he did give me one piece of advice:

Stop Drinking.

I think I'll take his advice. But as I've found out already, it's easier said than done. I feel like it's going to hinder my ability to be social, or to go out with friends. Last night already, I broke the rule and had 2 beers (which I consider to be a very low number). Granted, I don't think that'll do any harm, but it was almost an impulse to drink. I'm not sure why, but a mere 2 years after getting drunk for the first time, the alcohol culture has already become so ingrained in myself that it's going to be very hard to stop.

But I must, for my health. So from this point on, I begin the quest to discover the key to saying no to alcohol!

-FCDH