Monday, December 27, 2010

Merry Christmas 2010

Hi Readers,

Merry Christmas!! This winter, I have been having the best winter break out of all the winter breaks I've spent on campus. Apart from the day when I spent 7+ hours to clean up the apartment, I have been spending every single day with friends. Whether it was dinner parties or ice skating, I've been having so much fun! I did not expect to be so busy this winter, especially since last winter break was sooooooo boring.

Christmas Eve:
Ate an amazing Christmas eve dinner at JS's house. I was on route to try to get some Christmas shopping done (was a fail because I forgot all the stores closed early) when JS was alerted to my presence in CU by my facebook update. Oooo on a tangent - I fixed my broken water heater by myself (that was the facebook update). So proud! Anyways, JS and her dad picked me up, and we went to her house. Had an amazing dinner! Turkey + ham + other goodies. Then JS and I watched "How to Train your Dragon" - twice, with the commentaries turned on the second time. Then we successfully got a BAG OF CRAP from WOOT.COM!! SOOOO excited! I've never seen what was inside these bags, but we'll see. Capped off the night with an amazing load of leftovers. I love JS's family so much!

Christmas Day:
On Christmas day, KK invited me over to her house for gift exchange and dinner (again, since I was here last year too!). In the gift exchange, I gave KK's aunt an organizer, bird-watching binoculars, Taiwanese tea, and a pack of postcards from Tibet. In return, I got a bag of coffee (again!) and 2 mugs (again!). I was pleasantly surprised when I got essentially the same gift, despite choosing a random gift out of a pile. I had fun playing with all the dogs that were in the house. Love dogs! Dinner was amazing, and after dinner we ate some more desserts, before putting in a movie ("I Love You Man") and watching SNL afterward. It was such a great day.

I spent today shopping for gifts for my family. Got my mom a purse, my sister a hat, and my dad a mug that says "I Love You Dad" (or something similar to that). I'll have to find out how to ship it to Taiwan when I can.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to start running again. I've been slipping in my training, and I really really need to start! Marathon's in just 5 months, and I can still only run 8 out of the 26 miles. MUST TRAIN!! I found a running buddy on Craigslist - we'll see how that works out. Maybe a blog post on that later.

Anyways, so excited about the rest of winter break! Have a great break everyone!

-FCDH

Thursday, December 23, 2010

On Sarah Palin's Success

Hi Readers,

I want to dedicate this blog post to Sarah Palin. I hate her guts and think that there should be a new level in hell created to house her, her oversized ego, and the hate that spews from her mouth. But despite all that, I have to give it to her - Palin is one shrewd and successful politician. From an absolutely objective viewpoint, without considering the message that she spreads or the initiatives she supports, Palin's rise from a relative political nobody to the national stage has been quite astonishing. Few politicians have been able to achieve what Palin has achieved, but here is a short non-comprehensive list of some of those who have: Hitler, Stalin, and Putin. Three figures that are hated in politics, but three of the most brilliant political geniuses that ever existed. In this blog post, I want to draw historical parallels between Palin and these political stalwarts.

Comparison with Putin
Vladimir Putin was plucked out of obscurity when he was appointed as Prime Minister by Boris Yeltsin, in a surprise move that caught Yeltsin's opponents by surprise and led to Putin's victory in the Presidential elections that were held after Yeltsin resigned as President. As the President, Putin mobilized the people with perceived injustices against Russia's oligarchies and the Communist bureaucrats that remained after the collapse of the Soviet Union. With the Chechnyan terrorists, Putin united the country against these rebels and crushed them. He re-ignited Russian national pride, and united the country behind his leadership.

Palin was plucked out of obscurity from her house in Wasilla by John McCain, and quickly ascended to stardom. Similarly, Like Putin, Palin quickly jumped on the opportunities that were offered to her, and quickly gained a base of support. She transformed from a nobody to a household name within months, held her ground against Joe Biden during the one debate they had (though this is debatable), and quickly developed a political strategy aimed at "small-town USA" and "non-elitists". This quickly polarized the Democrat and Republican bases, and initiated a drift towards political extremism which is still ongoing today.

The parallel would have continued had the McCain-Palin ticket won during the elections. Instead, Obama-Biden won, and Palin and McCain were relegated back to their posts of governor and senator. However, this wasn't the end of Palin.

Comparison with Hitler
Hitler rose to power through pure luck and democratic processes. After his appointment as Chancellor, he slowly began taking the elements of democracy away, one at a time. Nobody noticed, or perhaps nobody wanted to speak up, and Hitler managed to transform a democracy into a dictatorship within 5 years. One crucial element in Hitler's success was his use of propaganda. Goebbels, who was the Nazi's propaganda minister, was able to use propaganda to create fear, use the fear to manipulate citizens's thoughts and objections, with which Hitler could justify the removal of even more democracy. In a few short years, Germany had transformed into an anti-Semitic and populist country.

Palin, like Hitler, came to prominence through luck. But instead of fading away into the abyss, she somehow managed to mobilize BOTH the conservative and liberal medias to her cause. Without the usual political training of keeping quiet, Palin's big mouth drew much of the liberal media's firepower. Conservative media, outgunned by the resources available to liberal media, took it on themselves to advance Palin as much as possible. They don't actually care about Palin, but she is just a tool to distract the liberal media's fire away from the real issues. It worked wonders - liberal media nowadays blindly follow and shoot at Palin's comments, regardless of whether it was uttered from the Alaskan wilderness or a Republican fundraising dinner.

Therefore, Palin is really a tool, being used by both the parties involved. Conservative media has nothing to talk about - so they talk about Palin. Liberal media is so eager to refute these claims and comments that they throw the real issues out the window - continuations of the BP oil spill, Republican senator's efforts to block health benefits for 9/11 responders, or comments that are made by Republicans who were actually voted into office and can actually make decisions for the country. It is a scarily effective strategy. Palin's populist messages, and the liberal media's attempts to discredit her, have cemented populism in the minds of the conservative masses. The constant conservative bombardment of "right-wing radical extremist socialist etc etc" has also created fear in these conservative masses. Populism + fear + Republican politicians = ?

The American political landscape is looking more and more similar to that of Nazi Germany during the pre-war era. The main difference is that the liberal pushback to the conservative message has polarized the population, in order to keep a balance. Therefore, instead of a dictatorship moving more and more toward a radical position, we have alternating governments which flip-flop between extreme right wing and extreme left wing policies. An oscillation that seems to be increasingly in amplitude, if not for the successes in the lame-duck session in this past week.

Comparison with Stalin
Stalin's political genius mainly comes from his ability to eliminate his rivals. At Lenin's death, everybody expected Trotsky (the intellectual) to be the successor. Through shrewd accusations and political maneuvering, Stalin (the populist) managed to create a cult of personality around Lenin (Leninism) and himself (Stalinism). Using this populism, Stalin was able to use the power of masses to "cleanse" the political playing field, through his Great Purges. Until he was the last person left standing.

In November 2008, not many people thought that Palin actually stands a chance at being the 2012 Republican candidate. Sure, there were talks about it...but nobody took them seriously. Serious contenders were Romney, Huckabee, Gingrich, etc. But again, she used mass media to her advantage, to create a cult of personality around herself. I really don't want to call it a cult of personality, but that is really what it is - she even has her own reality show, in addition to being a regular on conservative news networks.

Today, she is considered a serious contender for the Republican 2012 presidential candidate. She drew Huckabee's support base away from him, and is more popular amongst Republicans than Romney (who's a Mormon) or Gingrich (who has remarried several times). In my opinion, there is a strong chance that she will win the Republican nomination.

Conclusion
But that's where my (faint) praise for Palin ends. If she clinches the Republican nomination, I don't believe she can win, unless the Democrats were to field someone ridiculously under-qualified. The biggest difference between Palin and Hitler/Stalin/Putin is that Palin's successes have all come from essential half of the country - the half that she has warped around herself in a populist strategy. The other half has been repulsed away from her, and with an approval rate at 30%, it doesn't say much for Palin's chances when subjected to an actual popular vote.

If Palin were to take a leaf from the books of the political geniuses of the old, she would either want to mobilize the masses against her Democratic opponents, which is close to impossible barring a Watergate-style occurrence, or she would need to unite the masses against an external threat (Hitler with Jews, Stalin with the anti-Leninists, Putin with the Chechnyans). Palin may have succeeded thus far as a tool of the Republican Party, but whether she can use this advantage to her own benefit in 2012 will ultimately determine her success and place in the history books as one of the shrewdest and luckiest politicians ever.

-FCDH

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Fed Up with Parents

Hi Readers,

I feel like I need to post some conflicts I've been having with my family on here, so I can get it off my chest.

My relationship with my parents have slipped back into the fog. This summer, after the numerous conversations I had with my parents regarding my homosexuality, I was satisfied that they finally understood me, and more importantly - that they finally respected me. Not because I was gay, but because I finally became an adult, in that I was courageous enough to tell them that I cannot conform to their conservative ideals and live a lie. I thought I had finally gotten through to them, and maybe I did for a little bit, but I guess they would rather live a lie than to face the truth.

On a recent phone call, my parents asked me if I was too busy to make enough time for a girlfriend. At first, I thought it was a joke...but when the punchline didn't come, my heart sank like a stone and my head fell into my hands. I really thought that this summer was the turning point, but instead, the vision I had of my family since April had come tumbling down. I wanted to just punch something and scream. Scream that I was never going to get a girlfriend, that I was so tired of having the same arguments, that I wish I were normal so I would live up to their expectations, or that maybe if I committed suicide then they would accept the fact that I was gay. But I swallowed it all and said in a monotone voice, that I was too busy with schoolwork, and that academics was more important than girls. It sprang so easily to my lips, a lie I had perfected throughout my life. I could feel myself dying as I said it, a phrase I thought I had never needed to use again in my life.

I wonder if they could hear the death in my voice.

My parents gave birth to me and raised me for 18 years, and they provided every material necessity I have ever needed. I love them for everything they've given me, for not throwing me out onto the streets to become an orphan, and for putting in their time, their money, and their life to raise me. I know I have an eternal debt to repay to them, and I am gladly paying it.

But how could they do this to me?? I have been nothing but the best son during the all those years they raised me. I worked my butt off to make sure I fulfilled all of their expectations. I excelled in everything I did, not for myself, but so they would know their efforts were not wasted. I asked for so little in return, always trying to save money so my parents could start living their own lives when I became independent. I didn't ask for games, or clothes, or movies, or whatever else other kids asked for. I gave them everything I had in me, in the form of time and effort. But when it came to actually asking them for love and acceptance, something that the real me never got, they turned their backs.

They don't understand me at all. They don't respect me for who I am. They would rather willfully keep themselves blind than to accept me for who I am. It's getting harder and harder to see them as family. The gap between us is widening yet again, and I don't think I have the energy or willpower to close the gap any longer.

Whoever said that things get better was lying. Nothing gets better. Things just get left behind.

On the issue of my sexuality, I am leaving my parents behind me. They can choose to join me or watch me disappear into the distance. I just don't care anymore.

-FCDH

Life Update

Hi Readers,

Sorry I haven't given a life update in so long. This month has been horrendously busy, so I'm only starting to blog again now.

1. I found out that I lost my 4.0 GPA this semester, thanks to quantum physics. Kinda sucks, especially since I was so close...still no idea how I did so badly on the final. But I guess I'm lucky that it happened in my senior year rather than my freshman year. In a way, it is somewhat liberating to not have to worry about maintaining a 4.0. In another way, I'm extremely disappointed in myself for not living up to the expectations that I set for myself. It's not the end of the world, but it's the failure of one goal. Maybe unrealistic, but a goal nonetheless.

2. my laptop broke today. On the same day as the physics disaster. What a great day, right? I guess Windows 7 just had to make a mandatory update which just had to cripple my registry. Now I'll have to download the ISO and mount it onto an USB drive and see if I can boot up my computer and repair it. Fingers crossed.

3. my grad school apps are done - but there's a nagging unease inside of me that something bad is going to happen. It's the same unease that accompanied me in quantum physics, so I'm so afraid that I won't get into any other grad schools. Time will tell.

4. I feel like a loser for opting to stay in Champaign. It's my last winter, and my desire to do something is overwhelmed with my desire to save money. Is that reasonable of me? Am I being too thrifty?

Somehow, life hasn't gone the way I wanted this semester. I guess when I came out to my parents, I felt like nothing could get in my way any longer. I felt invincible and free. And now the honeymoon's over - all my uncertainties are crashing back around me. Ignorance is bliss...and now that it's gone, I kind of want it back.

FCDH