Tomorrow Can't Come Any Faster

Hi Readers,

I'm totally crashing right now. I think I'm in denial over the amount of work that I have. This semester sucks so much. I hate my life right now. I've got my 536 book open, but I've only managed to read like 5 pages in the last hour. It is incomprehensible. Why do I do this to myself?

I just want out of here. I just wish I had a concrete yes or no for either grad school or full time work. Two of my friends got acceptances today, to Stanford and Columbia. I've gotten nothing, heard nothing.

People always say that I will get into anywhere I want. I used to believe it, but now I don't anymore. I wish I had spent more time on my grad school applications, maybe made them better. Or perhaps if I had started interviewing for full time jobs in the fall instead of waiting until now.

I can't go out anymore on the weekends. I have gotten no work done over the last 3 weekends while I had fun. I'm paying for it right now, but I've almost used up all my credits.

I feel so happy for my friends who have gotten into their dream grad schools.

I no longer know if I will even go to grad school. What is the point? Everybody I know is more miserable in grad school than they would be working in industry. So I'm interviewing for full-time positions, to the shock of my friends. Some of the jobs seem like a step-down for the skills I have developed doing research. Should I care that anyone could do this job? Should I settle for less?

I no longer know. What is "less"? How is it even defined?

Why am I even speculating when I know nothing? I hate the wait. I need to stop checking facebook and seeing other people's happy statuses.

Tomorrow will be better. I hope.

Hotel California just came on my iTunes. Fuck yeah. I can deal with the damn waveguide physics now.

-FCDH