Mombasa and the Hobbit

Hi Readers,

I have spent the past 4 days here in Mombasa. It was certainly the laziest and most relaxing 4 days that I've spent here in Africa. There's not much to do in Mombasa other than just to chill on the beach, so that's what I did. And then when the vendors got annoying, I chilled at the pool instead.

We did go snorkeling one of the days, and it was really fun! It was my first time, so it was slightly challenging to adapt to the air tube and the fact that you can't breathe from your nose. We saw lots of starfish, sea urchins, fish, and coral.

We also took a tuk-tuk, which is the name of the motorbike taxi ubiquitous to Mombasa, to the movie theater to watch The Hobbit in 3D. The movie was pretty good, but I did remark to GS that the entire Hobbit storyline is a parody of the quintessential modern startup dream; the only difference is that it's set in Middle Earth.

You are approached by a group of strangers, who pitch a fantastic-sounding  proposal fraught with risks and dangers. They promise you a cut of the payout at the end of the journey, if you will only drop whatever you are doing and join them. In the group, there's a genius whiz, and a guy who always believe you aren't pulling your weight. Some people are in for the riches, and others are in for the idea itself. You quickly rid yourself of unnecessary luxuries (such as free time), and along the way you prove yourself to the team.

After watching a movie, usually I think, "gee I wish I was that movie character." Funnily enough, in the case of the Hobbit, it's actually possible!

Off to safari!

Cheers,
FCDH

Mombasa and the Hobbit

Hi Readers,

I have spent the past 4 days here in Mombasa. It was certainly the laziest and most relaxing 4 days that I've spent here in Africa. There's not much to do in Mombasa other than just to chill on the beach, so that's what I did. And then when the vendors got annoying, I chilled at the pool instead.

We did go snorkeling one of the days, and it was really fun! It was my first time, so it was slightly challenging to adapt to the air tube and the fact that you can't breathe from your nose. We saw lots of starfish, sea urchins, fish, and coral.

We also took a tuk-tuk, which is the name of the motorbike taxi ubiquitous to Mombasa, to the movie theater to watch The Hobbit in 3D. The movie was pretty good, but I did remark to GS that the entire Hobbit storyline is a parody of the quintessential modern startup dream; the only difference is that it's set in Middle Earth.

You are approached by a group of strangers, who pitch a fantastic-sounding  proposal fraught with risks and dangers. They promise you a cut of the payout at the end of the journey, if you will only drop whatever you are doing and join them. In the group, there's a genius whiz, and a guy who always believe you aren't pulling your weight. Some people are in for the riches, and others are in for the idea itself. You quickly rid yourself of unnecessary luxuries (such as free time), and along the way you prove yourself to the team.

After watching a movie, usually I think, "gee I wish I was that movie character." Funnily enough, in the case of the Hobbit, it's actually possible!

Off to safari!

Cheers,
FCDH

Walking the Knife Edge

Hi Readers,

Today I read a BBC news story. Just 2 weeks after we came back safely from Kilimanjaro, an Irish climber was killed by lightning on the exact same path that we took. This is an experienced climber who has done Mt. Everest before, yet his experience couldn't protect him from an unpredictable danger. It is an ever present reminder of the fragility of life, especially balanced on the knife edge between excitement and prudence.

I consider myself supremely lucky to have survived all that I have tried in life without any serious physical injuries. I have learned to silence that nagging voice in the back of my head when I'm planning something, because I know that if I really think it over, I will most likely not follow through with the plan. However, oftentimes, I fully realize the dangerous situation that I put myself into when I'm actually there and doing it. Kilimanjaro was an example, but perhaps the worst example in recent memory is actually Pico de Orizaba, in Mexico. We had no guide there, no support, and little experience. Something really bad could've happened to us there.

I have felt uncomfortable with traveling with GS sometimes, because we tend to be over confident in our abilities, and underestimate the dangers that may be present. In order to 'live the life', I've often had to silence my common sense and instinctive reaction to a suggestion. I am normally a very pragmatic person, prone to overthinking things (my parents says it is a family trait). This new way of approaching opportunities had led me to explore spontaneity, and opened more of the world to me than I ever thought I would see. But I must always remember to keep a reserve force of caution in order to truly evaluate the choices that are in front of me.

When I tell people this, they often resort to the "well people can die from anything at anytime" argument. While true, the situational risk is not an insignificant part of it. Though one could probably be struck my lightning at anytime anywhere, walking through thick rain clouds on Kilimanjaro probably increases the risk by quite a bit. My parents have always been worriers, so slowly I've had to start hiding the full story from them. But I can definitely feel myself growing reckless in the past year. Booking spontaneous trips to foreign countries, attempting to summit mountains without proper knowledge of the routes or obstacles which might lie ahead for us, are both not smart decisions.

I need to be more careful of what I take on. I can't let my parent's contributions and sacrifices for me go to waste. I can't lose my future just for some adrenaline rush. 

Off to the safari tomorrow! Can't believe I'm returning to the states in a week. Freaking unbelievable.

Cheers,
FCDH

Agatha Christie

Hi Readers,

I've had plenty of free time in Africa, such as sleepless nights due to jet lag, boring nights on Kilimanjaro, or traveling on the bus (as I am doing right now, back to Nairobi). During this free time, I've been writing blog posts, watching videos of Andrew Ng teaching machine learning, or more commonly, reading all the Agatha Christie books that I could store on my phone. During this trip so far, I've read 7 of her books: And Then There Were None, 4:50 From Paddington, Black Coffee, A Caribbean Mystery, Pockets Full of Rye, After The Funeral, and Dead Man's Folly.

Let me start of by saying that Agatha Christie is a phenomenal author. For me, she's done for detective stories what Isaac Asimov did for sci-fi novels. I find myself unable to put down her books whenever I start reading them.

She is also amazingly good at throwing red herrings into her stories. I don't think there's been a single story where I've been able to deduce (or even guess) the murderer correctly. With a single sentence (for example, "she touched the flowers with a satisfied smile"), suddenly that person is a suspect and the flowers probably have something to do with the murder...or not. And then at the end of the story, the twist is always unpredictable (maybe she is allergic to those flowers or something, I don't know...I just made up that story).

But the most fascinating aspects of the stories is how the storyline challenges what we've been taught about storytelling while growing up. The most unpredictable factors in these stories are almost always what was left unsaid, rather than what was said. A murder can be committed for a great reward at the end, or for a pittance, or for no reason at all. The background setting, which we usually gloss over, is now massively important. The narrator is now used for deception and misinformation. It make one feel very off-balance while reading one of her books.

But that's probably why there's always such a huge sense of relief and satisfaction when you finish one of her stories. Because the deception and lies are finally over and resolved satisfactorily. And you can finally go to sleep now...at 5am.

-FCDH

PS the bus is approaching Nairobi and the sky is a very angry and dark purple color over the city. There's lightning everywhere too. Looks like another African thunderstorm!

Alpha Waves

Hi Readers,

So I'm on a blogging spree tonight. I think I'm going to try and catch up on as many blogs as I humanly can before I fall asleep midway through a blog.

So this quarter, I'm taking a class on Diagnostic Devices here at Stanford. It involves a lab section where you actually get to use a lot of medical devices to try it out. For example, for the CT scan lab, we placed several objects and took CT scans of it. You get the picture.

This past week, what we did was called EEG, or electroencephalagram (spelling might be wrong). This involves placing electrodes on your head, and recording your brain waves as your are performing different tasks. The tasks that I had to do involve watching a picture as it flashed at a predetermined frequency, grinding my teeth and blinking my eyes while looking at a white screen, and closing my eyes and relaxing.

The last exercise, where I had to close my eyes and relax, is supposed to bring out the "Alpha" waves from your brain. This indicates the 3rd most active level of brain activity (after delta and theta waves), and the waves oscillate at around 10Hz. When I did the exercise, I could hear the lab manager say, "Whoa! Look at those massive Alpha waves! Those are humongous!" I would periodically open my eyes just so that I could see what the Alpha waves look like. He's right - they are gigantic in comparison to the beta waves that were recorded with the flashing image.

He also joked that I must have an Alpha personality, to which I merely shrugged my shoulders and gave him a smile. =)

In fact, my Alpha waves were apparently so strong that the comparative phase drift was small. Normally, natural non-event induced waves tend to phase drift over 360 degrees during a measurement. However, mine was so stable that they were complete confined to a 90 degree quadrant. The lab manager said that this is extremely rare, and that I would make a good function generator. He was joking, but he had a point - when they took the Fourier transform of my brain waves, the signal-to-noise ratio and the spurious-free dynamic range was quite substantial.

Now I wasn't really sure what that meant. Is that a good thing? Bad thing? Neither?

So I did a quick Google search about Alpha waves, and it came up with loads of goodies. Tidbits which I'm not sure that I should trust, but I thought I'd post about anyways. Apparently, having large Alpha waves indicates that you are a very stress-free person, and can come up with creative ideas and solutions to problems. It means that I can go from an alert stage to a relaxed stage very easily. All of these sound like me, and best of all - I'm now proven myself (somewhat) to be relatively stress-free most of the time! I'm wondering if an EEG taken 2-3 years ago would have shown the same thing. I think I'm a lot happier and relaxed now than I was during my undergrad.

Anyways, this post was just a random musing on the Alpha waves that they measured from my brain. I'm glad that my Alpha waves were so large, since it could mean that I am very stress-free. Hopefully I'll stay that way!

Till next post!
-FCDH

Viva Las Vegas!

Hi Readers,

So some of you may know that I went to Las Vegas for the first time this past week. It was a 4 day trip and I went with my labmate and some of his friends. This blog post will talk about some of my observations about the trip and Las Vegas.

Observation 1: California's Central Valley is boring as hell.
We decided to rent a car and to drive to Vegas. (Sub-observation here is that it is very affordable to rent a car through Enterprise at Stanford. It's only $58 a day and we don't get charged the over-25 surcharge or insurance because we are students!) Anyways, because I was the only one who had a valid American license out of the 4 of us, it was up to me to drive us all to and from Vegas. Oh boy, Interstate 5 through the Central Valley was as boring to drive through as most of the Illinois highways. It was pretty much all flat and everything was a brownish yellow color. Even with enough sleep, I had trouble staying alert on the road. Thanks Starbucks, for making Frappucinos. On a side note, 10 hours of driving after 4 hours of sleep is not a good idea, especially during the stretch from Bakersfield to Barstow where all you get on the radio are country music and people reading the Bible.

Observation 2: California drivers suck at basic driving etiquette.
Illinois and the Midwest has really spoiled my expectations of highway driving. In Illinois, if you are driving on highways, you mostly stay in the right lane and only move to the left in order to pass a slow vehicle in the right lane. In California this isn't true. People love staying in the left lane. It's fine if they are fast drivers, but when someone is driving below the flow-of-traffic speed and insists on staying in the left lane...let's just say I don't usually get mad, but this is one of the things that get me worked up. This is only the tip of the iceberg. I will talk about GPS systems in a later blog (one of my pet peeves).

Observation 3: Las Vegas feels like Disneyland.
That is, if Disneyland replaced Mickey Mouse with people soliciting sex and offering you free limo rides to strip clubs. Other than that, this description is pretty accurate. The architecture is so blatantly extravagant it's mind-boggling. Walking down the Strip, you are greeted by pyramids, the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, a giant bronze lion, canals with gondolas, and pirate ships. You see people in costumes walking down the street and kids in strollers everywhere. There are a surprising number of kids in Vegas. A number of casinos have amusement parks with roller coaster rides. There are buffets literally everywhere you go. The entire place feels completely artificial. In a good way or bad way? That's debatable.

Observation 4: The recession hit Vegas hard.
We managed to get hotel rooms for $14 per room per night. This wasn't somewhere far away from the main area; it was at a casino on the strip, right next to Caesar's Palace and Bellagio and all the other casinos. Vegas has a huge oversupply of hotel rooms and the prices definitely show it. Every single thing costs money at the casinos. Internet's $5 an hour, there are no complimentary toiletries, and no free meals. It was even sort of hard to find cheap buffets, until we discovered the far-flung casinos that cater to the locals. Hello, $7 buffets!

Observation 5: Great architects. Horrible interior designers.
Every single casino we saw was an architectural masterpiece. Most casinos we went into felt like a crypt. Why would they make the casino floor so dark and gloomy? It was depressing just to walk through most casino floors. Why use carpeting when you KNOW everyone is smoking (so your carpet eternally smells like smoke)? Why put so many redundant steps? I saw so many people trip over little half-steps in front of the bathroom or bar or something similar.

Observation 6: Slot machines are a joke.
I initially wanted to try slot machines because I believe they were of the kind that you yank and the physical force you use would determine how much they spin. But I found out very quickly that everything was computer-determined. You press a button that said "Spin!" and the computer determined how much it spins and when it stops. What's the point of the spinning then?? The computer might as well just flash "Win!" or "Lose!" as soon as you press the button. We were baffled by the number of people we saw who were hooked on slot machines. For me the slot machine lost its appeal as soon as it went from being stochastic to deterministic.

Observation 7: Engineering guys and Vegas don't really mix well socially.
We went to Vegas as a group of 4 guys. 4 international citizens, 3 grad students in engineering, 2 Indians, and 1 gay guy = not a very good group for clubbing for either gay or straight clubs. I didn't press the gay clubs because I didn't think they would have fun there, and they didn't really want to go to the straight clubs because then we'd be either the 4 creepy dudes not dancing, or the 4 creepy dudes who are dancing with each other. It was nice to wake up early and without hangovers though!

That's really all the major observations. Overall Vegas was a fun experience! I lost a net total of $2 at the slot machines before I grew bored with them. Perhaps when I'm rich, I'll try my hand at some of the card games. For now I need to save the money for grad school first!

-FCDH

Sky Mall Amusement

Hi Readers,

In the past week, I've taken three flights. Even though many people dislike flying, I love the entire process. It is incredible to think about the vast amounts of people and resources that move through our airports, and the entire TSA security apparatus system that is set up to (try and) ensure the safety of the passengers. When I was young, the airport system used to boggle my mind. I didn't understand how this "passport" could get you past these people with these machines, and why you needed it to go to this lobby where people wait around and look bored, before going through some more halls and boarding planes. Airports seemed massive and daunting when I was young; as I grew older, they began to shrank, and now going through an airport is almost second nature. One thing that has changed is the enjoyment of the actual flight itself. On a future post I'll talk about my fear of airplanes when I was young.

Anyways, on every recent flight I've been on, there is always a predictable source of laughter: the Sky Mall magazine. Though I'm pretty sure that most people know what these are, these are basically magazines from which you can buy items while you are on a plane. What makes these funny is the stuff that they sell. There are always predictable items, and the logic behind the items is quite clear.

For example, there are always "spy" items. These always include hidden cameras that you can put around your house (who's coming to your house while you're not there?), hidden microphones which are sound-activated (what are people saying behind your back?), mobile and easy-to-mount GPS tracking systems (where's your spouse's car going while you're not there?), to name a few. These obviously draw on the fear of infidelity on the parts of spouses or friends, from the point of view of a frequent traveler who may not see his/her significant other for long periods of time.

Then there are the "outdoor furniture" items. These are the garden gnomes (...to spice up your garden?), the fake rocks that you can cover other stuff with, fountains, patio furniture, etc. These are funny because they are probably the definition of impulse buys. I wonder how many people actually go on a plane with the intention of buying a set of garden gnomes while they are on the plane.

The "pet" items really rounds out the list of the three most common items that you can find in the Sky Mall magazines. This is stuff like indoor pet fences, pet potty-training material, and various pet furniture. These are probably aimed at the people who have no significant others but have pets instead. So instead of worrying about their spouse cheating on them, they are worried about their pet's comfort while at home all alone.

The interesting thing about the Sky Mall magazine is that a lot of the items in there seemed to be playing from the idea of guilt and mistrust. It does not really seem like a good reason to purchase stuff, but I guess Sky Mall is in it to make money. Besides, there's really nothing that can assuage businessmen who are away from home that they can somehow replace their presence at home with the merchandise. I guess if I ever have to do a lot of traveling during work, my home may pile up with these junk items as well.

-FCDH

Leaving Illinois

Hi Readers,

First, a short update. Before my internship started, when I was deciding on when I should end my internship at NI, the internship coordinator gave me several choices of dates. Because of the whole visa issue that international students have to face, I guess there was some misunderstandings between me and the internship coordinator on the end date. I understood it to be that I was ending my internship on Aug 26th, while she thought I was leaving on September 9th. So I got a pleasant surprise the day before my internship was supposed to end. My supervisor said, "um, according to HR, you're not supposed to leave for another 2 weeks." HR offered me the choice of leaving now or on Sept 9th, and I decided to stay a little later in Austin to work a little more. As Stanford starts in mid-September, I didn't see a harm in doing that.

I had originally planned for this weekend to be my moving weekend, from Illinois to California. However, as I didn't have enough time to change around my flights, I settled for buying 2 extra tickets in order to fly back to Austin after I move my stuff into San Francisco. My itinerary was extremely packed, and essentially I only had 20 hours in Champaign to do everything that I needed to do. This included consolidating all my luggage, some of which were scattered around with several people. I also had to meet up with so many people that I couldn't manage to meet them all, which was a shame.

I was so worried about all the luggages that I had. I managed to pack all of my worldly possessions into three suitcases, and three carry-on luggages. But I was so stressed about getting all the luggages on the plane. Even though I had brought 5 suitcases with me when I first moved to Illinois, we had three people at the time, and the suitcases were nowhere near the weight they are now. This time, the three suitcases weighed 60, 70, and 80 lbs, respectively. But thank god I chose to fly Virgin America. I don't think I could have found a cheaper alternative to get my 5 luggages across the US. The extra baggage fees that I was charged came out to a grand total of $175, and this was for 5 checked luggages, with 3 of them being over the weight limit. Of course, this was only possible thanks to the help of Virgin America and their friendly staff. Their great service and flight amenities are incredible; I have never taken a domestic flight as good as the VA flight I am currently on.

It is still so weird to consider that I am leaving Champaign, most likely forever. All the good friends that I made in the last 4 years will all be so far away now. Sure, I'll be able to talk to them over Gchat or Skype, but it just won't be the same as the human physical interaction. The same will happen to the friends that I made in Austin this summer. Yet it still hasn't really hit me yet, not really. I feel like it will just be a short time until I can see them again. Somehow, the large distance that separates us doesn't seem that large anymore.

Perhaps I am finally maturing enough to accept the fact that life comes with change, and that we cannot fight it. We should embrace the change, and look forward to those moments where we'll be able to reunite with those that we have lost touch with. Though sometimes it will be sad to think about the past, it should always be exciting to start laying down roots in a new place, and to explore even more what life can offer us.

-FCDH

Loving the World by Yourself, Part II

Hi Readers,

Last summer when I was in Japan, I wrote about being self-sufficient in living a social life and doing the activities that one could do. This summer, armed with a cellphone (versus last summer when I didn't have one) and located in a city with a plethora of activities, I set out to explore a little bit more details of being by yourself vs. being with friends.

I am sure that most people grew up being around other people, whether it be family or friends. My hypothesis is that this makes us reliant on others for the activities that we do when we have the free time. But how this affects our psyche and our potential range of activities is an important consideration. This is why I want to explore this issue - because it may be a factor in our quest in living a happier life.

To explore this issue, I combined a host of activities this summer, both group-based and solo-based. I noticed a couple of trends.

The larger group activities were mostly about socializing, while the solo and small group activities were mostly about exploring. Both were fun, but I got a strong sense of limited-by-common-denominator when we hung out in groups. I would say that, through the group activities, I had more fun but developed almost no additional skills or new knowledge. We visited the Oasis as a group, where we watched an amazing sunset over Lake Travis. We went rock climbing together, which I guess developed the skills of other people but not of myself since I planned it. I also planned a group trip to go bungee jumping, which was really the only activity this summer that gave me a new experience in life.

As a person constantly in search of new experiences and knowledge, I found myself trying to put together various trips and activities that excited me. However, I had a difficult time trying to find groups that would be willing to go with me. It was for this reason that only one major group success - bungee jumping - emerged out of the summer. No visits to the Schlitterbahn Waterpark (the best waterpark in the US), no jet skiing or water skiing on Lake Travis, both of which were big losses for me. One question lingers in my mind though - why didn't I just go by myself? What was holding me back from doing that?

At the beginning of the summer, I though it was easier to embark on solo trips. Which I did - exploring downtown Austin's scenery and food scene, the rural Texas areas surrounding Austin, and hiking at Enchanted Rock. However, whenever I do go alone, why is it that I always think - I wish others could be here to see this? Why do I feel a slight tinge of sadness at being alone by myself when I am exploring these new things? As the summer progressed, it became harder to do things by myself. When many of my intern friends began leaving, it became even harder, and things just seems a little bit duller.

Being with other people in a group just seems right. It is probably a social norm that's been instilled into me by the culture around me. So I think that I will ultimately settle for doing things with other people. It doesn't have to be gigantic groups of people, but I think I need to be with at least one other person in order to have fun. I will probably end up doing what I did this summer, which is to plan events that I personally want to try out, and find some people that are willing to go with me. The problem is - what if nobody wants to come? Who will I go with for outdoor climbing at Yosemite?

A bigger question - as me and the people around me grow older, I'm positive they will all become more tied up. Responsibilities galore, essentially. Will I be able to find people to try out stuff with? How will I find my experience/knowledge fix then? My current supervisor is a good example of this. He used to be a daredevil with paragliding, rock climbing, base jumping, you name it. If it's wild and dangerous, he's tried it. But now? He has a wife, two kids, and he says he can no longer do any of those things. When I ask him if he misses it, he always smiles wistfully and says "a bit, but my priorities have changed."

Perhaps that's what being with someone does to you. You are no longer by yourself in the world, after all.

-FCDH

The Lack of Spirit for Service

Hi Readers,

I just realized that I never really mentioned in the previous posts what I was doing this summer. So I'll give a brief overview.

I am currently working at National Instruments in Austin, Texas. I am a hardware intern in the RF group, and I am currently working on validation and verification for some very cool things that are being worked on right now. When I tell people about my internship, the most common thread that comes up from other people is usually, "oh NI...don't they make calculators or something?" NO. That's Texas Instruments, not National Instruments. Even my dad said to me, "...are you sure that it's not Texas Instruments?" It is quite understandable, since NI is still only a medium-sized tech company, not like many of the tech giants here in Texas like TI or AMD.

However, even though NI is not a giant company, it is the perfect place to work. I love the people and resources that are available at NI for all of the employees, from the employee appreciation, to the culture of cooperation inside the company. I have heard from many people in different companies that foster competitiveness (such as Exxon or Intel), and I think I would not really fit in at one of those companies, because they lack the human element that makes a good team.

This blog post is just somewhat of a rant on human nature that I've been observing among the interns at NI. As I am currently the intern service committee chair, I am in charge of making sure that service activities happen. However, it is so frustrating to see the lack of desire for service in the interns. They seem just so apathetic to service work of any kind. I have heard the phrase here so often, "volunteering is just not my thing." Why not? You'll spend your precious time on Facebook or partying, but you can't even spare 2 hours to do some volunteer work? How misguided are your priorities?

The moment I fully realized that people out in the real world are selfish, despite their friendliness, was the first moment that I felt so lucky to have experienced Engineers Without Borders. I am so lucky to have been surrounded by people with such open hearts, people who dedicate so much of their lives to the pursuit of perfection, not only for themselves, but for other people as well. I feel like, through joining EWB, I have dodged a bullet. The bullet of apathy and self-centeredness. Though I understand that people have different priorities, I hate seeing time and potential wasted. If they are discovering the cure for cancer or learning new knowledge, fine. But to waste time on Facebook and then to diss service work as a waste of time, just makes me so angry.

How is it that, despite having 200+ interns, only 2 showed up to a volunteer event? And it wasn't even a boring event - it was taking apart computers and recycling their components. I would have expected engineers to jump at this chance. But instead I was disappointed yet again by the turnout. If it wasn't for the fact that so many full-time NI employees showed up, it would have been a complete disaster. That by itself showed me the citizenship that NI employees felt, and the culture of service in the company.

People are living life as they see fit. I respect that. But I pity these people who live a self-centered life, without realizing the fullness in living a life of service. In the Chinese proverb, they are like frogs who live at the bottom of a well and believe that the well is all there exists in the world. There's a whole world out there. If only people would open their hearts, and climb up the rope that leads out of the well, they will discover the joys of service, and welcome it into their hearts.

-FCDH

Harry Potter's Reality

Hi Readers,

On Monday, I went to the Alamo Draft House to watch the last Harry Potter movie. The Alamo Draft House is a famous place to watch movies in Austin, where you can order foods and drinks during the movie and then waiters or waitresses will bring them to you. It's essentially a restaurant-styled theater. I tried "Butterbeer" there, which was a weird mix of apple cider and other things (including alcohol). It was pretty good and weird at the same time.

The movie itself was visually awesome. I didn't see the 1st installment of the Harry Potter 7th movie, so I was slightly worried that I would be disappointed with the break in the plot line. However, the movie turned out much better than I had expected, and some scenes in the film were really awe inspiring. I walked out of the theater with a fresh dose of "I wish magic really existed in the world..." as I usually do after sci-fi or fantasy movies.

However, on the way home, a thought struck me - why is the book series so "perfect"? How come everyone can afford to go to school? Even the "poor" Weasley family could afford to send all their children to school. Sure, it was with hand-me-downs, but still - it's not about the haves and have-nots, but rather about the haves and have-mores. What happens to the kids who cannot afford to go to the magician boarding schools? Can they learn magic? Are they the antithesis to Mudbloods, in that they are born into a wizarding family but cannot use magic? Where are the magician homeless people? All we see in the books and the movies are people from the middle or upper class in the wizarding world. Do the less well off not exist? What about orphans who are not as lucky as Harry is?

I know that these are really not questions that are relevant to the actual story or book itself, but it does pose interesting questions for the state of children's novels, and the very nature of a book series. Harry Potter was originally intended for a younger audience, so from the very first books Rowling has made the setting very PG and moral, just like a good children's book should. The endings were happy and the messages that were in the books were clear-cut and vanilla.

However, as Harry and his friends matured, the series also began maturing for an older audience. The atmosphere became darker, good people began to die (more than usual), bad people began to escape, and the moral content began to become more muddy. Basically, things became less clear-cut, and Harry Potter turned into a much more accurate model of the real world. The Ministry of Magic began to model the inefficient governments in real life, people began conspiring and backstabbing one another, and even the very nature of the magic itself became more violent.

The metamorphosis of the Harry Potter universe from a palatable and childish representation into a mature and adolescent-based series is an amazing transformation. It is the reason why I can feel justified in asking the question that I do above - where are the homeless people, what happens to the orphans, etc? Children's novels do not usually instigate such social or political-laced commentary. The Harry Potter series represents a true Bildungsroman or character-building series, in more ways than one. The ability of Rowling to adapt her series is truly remarkable.

It really is the end of an era.

-FCDH

Zombies

Hi Readers,

So anyone that knows me well (or at all) knows I have somewhat of an obsession with zombies. I live constantly under an irrational fear of zombies. Ok, maybe that's not completely true, I'm not expecting the apocalypse to appear out of thin air anytime soon. But buried deep in my mind I have an unease that it will happen one day, and that we'll all have to fight for our lives. Wouldn't it be great?!?

Sometimes I'll just be walking and then I'll think: "what would I do if a zombie mob came at me right now? What if they are "night of the living dead" zombies that amble towards you and you can basically walk away from? What if they are "28 days later" zombies that you can't even run from? What would I do and where would I go?

Weapons? What can I use around me? Right now I'm in the computer lab, and if zombies came I'd probably have like 5 mins before they figure out how to open the door. I would probably see if I could pry off these metal panels at the back and use them as a bat. That's only if I can't break the window and run out the back first.

What if I am inside a building and zombies surround it? I thought about this when I was walking through the tunnels that link Chem Annex, Noyes, and RAL. Tunnels would be a good thing to have in case of a zombie invasion, so that people can move from building to building without need to go outside. At the same time, what if the zombies get inside the tunnels? We'd have to fortify the tunnels against zombie intrusion.

Would I want to go home? Grab some canned goods and my hiking backpack and hightail it out? Where would I go? Zombie literature always say go north to Canada, because zombies would freeze in the winter and you might be able to live safe-ish lives there. I would probably think about starting my walk north. But what about food?? Even if I do fill my backpack with food I'll probably still only last a few days. Money? Would it even be worth anything? Water??

This is pretty much the point when I would say to my self, gosh I probably won't survive the zombie apocalypse if it ever happens. That's why I hope it never happens. But then a small part of me will think: maybe I do want it to happen, so I can challenge myself to survive in a situation like that. Granted, a failure would mean death, and there are no checkpoints or saved games that you can reload from. (or is there?)

-FCDH

Corporations vs. Startups

Hi Readers,

So one of the things that really stood out for me during spring break was the differences in the ECE/CS alumni that we talked to. To be honest, before that happened, I never really thought that it was that useful to meet with alumni. Sure, it was fun chatting and talking with people who have graduated and are now in the real world. However, the importance of student-alumni relations really struck me during my spring break visits.

When we were in San Francisco, we met with a venture capitalist named Paul from I/O Ventures, which is a startup company that provides resources and guidance for new tech startups. We talked with him for an hour about startups, and I left that meeting just KNOWING that I wanted to join startups. It just sounds so cool: you'd be choosing what you would be doing, the success and failure of the startup is solely dependent upon yourself, and you'd be your own boss. The independence sounds so appealing, plus the risk you're taking keeps your life exciting. It would be an adventure, and I will probably learn a lot from it, if I ever choose to go down that route. It is the "American Dream" for businesses.

Fast forward two days, at the Microsoft campus in Redmond, WA. Corporate to the core, completely opposite of the experience at SF. There are few hints of the startup spirit here, the same way as the lack of corporate spirit in the startup. But after talking with different Microsoft employees throughout the day, I left those meetings just KNOWING that I wanted to work in a giant corporation. (I actually left with a giant inclination to work for Microsoft. Man do they know how to sell themselves to other people.) It just seemed like such a stable and regimented life, knowing exactly that your hard work will always pay off in the form of promotions and raises, not having to worry about your job disappearing the next day. It is the "American Dream" for individuals.

How can such a dichotomy both provide such persuasive arguments? It does not seem right, to the rational person. These are fundamentally two different career and life paths, yet these are both valid paths. The only thing that is different is the risk and rewards that are involved with the paths. Does bigger risk come with a bigger reward in this case?

I have been brought up to believe in the way of the corporations. Stability was always of the utmost importance, and it always used to trump any individual developments. But I'd like to think that college has changed me. That, if the opportunity were to present itself one day, I would jump at the chance of being a part of a startup.

The future of engineering is glittering and awaiting. I can't wait to embrace the future.

-FCDH

Easy Cruising USA

Hi Readers,

So after my Canadian driver's license expired on my birthday, I finally decided to take my Illinois driver's test to get my license. Couple of reasons for it. I didn't want to leave Illinois without getting my Illinois driver's license (as kind of a souvenir). Also, I don't have a valid ID now for going to bars, and I'll be damned if I had to bring my passport to bars (another post on this some other day). So those were incentive enough for me to brave the crowds at the DMV (ugh).

It's been on-and-off the process for awhile, starting in my sophomore year. I took the written test during the fall of my sophomore year. I remember braving the elements, and taking the stupid buses to the DMV. Thankfully, this year I had someone who would drive me there, as well as let me borrow his car. I'm very thankful to JW for letting me borrow his car, and waiting with me at the DMV.

Several things I learned during this process:

1) The DMV's website sucks. A LOT. I swear I read somewhere on the website that the written test will remain valid for 8 years, so I went to the DMV expecting to take only the driving test. And then I was very rudely informed by the lady sitting behind the desk that my test had expired, and that I would have to re-take it.

2) The written test is really easy. Not having looked at any materials in the past 2 years, I was kinda freaking out when I walked up to the testing machine to take the test. I had forgotten how easy the test was. Apart from messing up on 4 questions, I passed with flying colors (90%) within a 5 minute period, and promptly left the booth feeling victorious.

3) The driving test is REALLY easy. Oh my god. I was definitely freaking out before the test, and during the test I made several errors. Errors that would've led to me failing in Canada, but errors that the examiner shrugged off in the US. I forgot to turn on my turn signal like 4 times, I forgot to stop at a red light when turning right, and I did my downhill parking incorrectly. So after 5 minutes of driving, when the examiner told us to go back to the DMV, I was thinking: "Crap I failed. ARGH. I have to come back again to re-take this crap? AHH THIS SUCKS." And then when the examiner said "Park in the far space" and I accidentally parked in the near one, I though for sure I had failed. Then he said "ok you passed" and I was like "OMG WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!?!?"

I can't describe how ecstatic I was about passing my US driver's test first time, and not having driven for the past 3-ish years. I was so shocked at how lax the US driving exam was. In Canada, the test is definitely much longer, and the examiners don't shy away from failing people. I had to parallel park 3 times in my Canadian test, in different situations (no car, in front of a car, in between 2 cars). In my US test, I had to "parallel park" once, which might as well have been called "pulling over" because there were no other cars on the side of the road.

The 3-point turn in Canada was conducted in an alley dead-end where, if you went too far forward or backward, you would fall into a ditch on either side. The US 3-point turn was done in a parking lot.

I wonder why the US puts such a lack of importance in driving. Letting teenagers get their licenses so early, and having such a lax system, is probably problematic for combating drunk driving efforts.

But as of right now, I'm just happy that I have a license. Yay! Though my hair looks bad in it. Ugh. I need a haircut.

-FCDH

California

It's a beacon

Brightly lit, throwing harsh shadows

On the field

Surrounded by a gnarly forest

Centuries old

Scarred by fires, and ravaged by famines

Yet teeming with life

With laid-back squirrels and stylish woodpeckers

The dawn

Canaries stream toward the field

Ravenous yet orderly

Drawn to the beacon as a moth is to a flame

Outnumbered, out-maneuvered,

Scarecrows debate

About stopping the unstoppable tide

Time stops for no one

Awoken from slumber

In its peaceful nest in the midst of the corn

A canary looks toward the commotion

The beacon beckons with open arms

Across an abyss

It divides the field

It spreads across the ground, like a pestilence

The scarecrows are oblivious

The canary is pensive

Will the abyss reach the beacon?

Will the abyss reach the nest?

Time never stops.

The abyss reaches the canary's heart.

Time never stops.

-FCDH

02/14/2011

On Dreams and Sleep

Hi Readers,

I love to sleep, because it energizes me for the next day, because my bed feels good, and most importantly - because I am tired. But the daily nocturnal experience that most everyone encounters is not colonized or civilized. Instead, it is a swath of wilderness, filled with what is hidden in the deepest recesses of our mind. I am sure that everyone has had their own forays into the hinterlands of their minds (and for those who haven't, I truly feel sorry for them), and I am just trying to share some of my own experiences with the various weird experiences of sleeping and dreaming.

One unusual skill that I developed and recently lost touch of is the ability to know exactly the moment I am falling asleep. It sounds weird, right? Everyone has seen the land of conscious reality and dream reality separately, but the transition of "falling asleep" is another matter altogether. I don't know how common it is, but I am offering tips to readers about how to experience it.

You can start by lying on your bed, and rehearsing a scene that you know extremely well through your mind. For me, it is a scene that I saw at the Roman amphitheaters in the ruins of Ostia Antica, outside of Rome in Italy. The scene has to be familiar for two reasons. The first reason is that you need to be falling asleep at the same time, so you should not be thinking too hard. A familiar scene is perfect. The second reason is the following. As you fall asleep, you will inevitably cross what I call the "crazy" boundary. This is the boundary where crazy things (the things that, when you wake up from a dream, you said "how in the world did I think this was possible/normal in my dream?!?) begin happening. As you cross the boundary, the scene in your mind will become usurped by the "crazy" you hiding in the recesses of your brain.

However, in my personal experience, this boundary does not always correspond with the boundary of lucid awareness. So what will happen is, you will start seeing weird things happen in the scene in your head. (I'm walking up the stairs of the amphitheatre, and then I turn around and begin going on facebook in the computer lab in Engineering Hall, and then I notice that I have to shift gears to go to a higher speed in the car - etc). With a little training, you'll learn to recognize the "crazy" line, such that you'll be able to say, "Things don't make sense. Oh my god! I'm about to fall asleep!" before actually falling asleep.

And then there are dreams. Dreaming is such a quaint yet sublime experience. It is where creativity dictates reality. It's where you can live out your fantasies and horrors as if they were real. Most importantly, it allows your to escape from reality, into a world that you cannot experience anytime you are conscious.

My personal experience with dreams has been spotted. Back in elementary school, I had a period of a month when I would have the same nightmare night after night. I still remember the nightmare. I would be hiking with my family, and I would be in the lead of the hiking group which was hiking on a trail next to a drop-off cliff. Everytime I would turn to check on my family, one of the family members would jump off the cliffs to their death. Another nightmare that I remember from elementary school was that my mom and I were in a train when it crashed, and then a tornado came and sucked her away from me. I remember waking up from that nightmare in tears.

On the other end of the spectrum comes the awesome dreams . I love the dreams where I have superpowers, such as flying or telekinesis, because it is literally like acting out a dream in real life. Except it seems so real in the dream. You think about flying - and you fly. You want the door to open - and it opens. My first superpower dream was in elementary school - I could snap my fingers and make anything happen. I made it rain when my dad was trying to mow the lawn. And then I laughed so hard (in my dream) that I couldn't snap my fingers anymore and lost my superpower. Good times. =)

Along with the awesome dreams, but in a more taboo direction, are - what else? - sexual dreams. I definitely have lots of dreams about it (probably too many) involving the most random people that I would not think about in real life. It was almost never the people that I thought were hot, or had a crush on, or anything like that. I still remember my first 2 dreams. The first was about a guy in my class, the second was about a girl in my class. These both happened during middle school, which I guess was still a time when I might have still been attracted to both sexes (another blog post about this later). But it was the only time I ever dreamed about a girl sexually. Sexual dreams are the weirdest dreams ever. Sometimes I didn't even really know the person well, or at all. Sometimes I made the move, sometimes they did. Sometimes the person turned into a non-person. Sometimes weird, sometimes awkward, but always unpredictable.

I have read up on "lucid dreaming", where your consciousness is able to control the dream, so you can try things in your dream that you would never try in real life. Unfortunately it only happened to me a couple of times...but I think it would be awesome to actually master how to do it. But I have been able to influence what I dream about a couple of times. Sometimes I find that I dream about the last thing that I am thinking about when I fall asleep, so I'll be able to control that aspect of my dream.

Regardless of the control I have over it, dreaming is just so cool in general. I'd like to think that dreams are an outlet for the side of yourself that you are not able to let out in everyday life. If true, that would mean that, in order to take your understanding of yourself to the next level, you would look toward your dreams.

But for now, I am looking forward to another night's rest.

-FCDH

Notes from Mother Nature

Hi Readers,

I recently just returned from a 3-day trip to the Ozark Mountains. Me and BR backpacked through the Bell Mountain Wilderness area, and the Ozark Trail. We traveled 42 miles in 3 days, which is a pretty nice pace for us. We camped for two nights...both nights were windy, but it rained very hard on the second night. Overall, the trip was characterized by fatigue and the difference in time perception. We had expected to run into some other people while hiking the trail...but we were wrong. The only people we met were 2 people who looked like they were living off the land illegally (hunting, etc.). Aside from that, we saw no other human beings for the entire duration of our hike. And if my cellphone had not turned on by itself in my pocket, I would not have had any other communications other than with BR. As it is, I got a lovely text from JM about joining for a movie night with chocolate popcorns, and immediately felt hungry.

In the beginning of the hike, BR and I talked a lot on the trail. As time grew on, our pace grew faster, our physical separation began growing apart ; we began getting more and more out of breath, and we began talking less and less, until we probably spoke an average of 10 words to each other every half an hour. Under such conditions, I began humming music to myself to entertain myself on the trail. With this method, I discovered a surprising thing on the second day of my trekking: for me, classical music dulls pain.

At the end of our second day, we had to hurry back from Council Bluffs to Big River in order to reach a suitable campsite (that was not in a flash flooding zone). I was leading, so it was up to me to set a fast pace in order to make at least 2 miles in an hour. It seems like a distance that you can scoff at, but once you're out there trudging through the leaves and rocks, you'll realize how difficult it is. Especially with a 40-50 lb bag on your back. Anyways, my shoulders and feet were aching really badly at the time.

And then I put on Beethoven's Spring Sonata in my head.

It wasn't instantaneous, but within 5 minutes I had gotten really into the music, and the pain had all but disappeared. I could feel a blister on my feet, a persistent force on my shoulder, but none of it hurt anymore. Because of this, I was able to set a pace that took us 2 miles in 50 minutes, giving us enough time to refill our water at Big River and set up camp before it got too dark. This was really weird for me, so I decided to test it out more the next day.

So the next day along the trail, I hummed music in my head the whole way. Had some Nelly Furtado, Coldplay, Radiohead, Rihanna, even Katy Perry. For the first hour, that was all I really hummed. And my feet and shoulders were killing me by the time we took our first break, an hour into the hike. For the second hour, BR (who was leading) set a daunting pace through a part of the trail where it must have ascended 150-200 feet without stop. I put on Rachmaninoff's 3rd Piano Concerto and blazed through that section, and by the time we reached Ottery Creek, everything had stopped hurting and I felt even better than before we had started walking.

I used Rachmaninoff's 2nd and Prokofiev's 1st Concertos to crank out a 3 mile/hr pace on the uphill section from Ottery Creek to Bell Mountain. Still didn't feel any pain. But my ultimate proof of the power of classical music came in the last mile of hiking. It was entirely in darkness, and since I have a fear of the dark and BR is apparently afraid of raptors coming out of the dark a la Jurassic Park 2, both of us were on edge. And since BR and I were talking to ward off our fears of the forest at night, my shoulders and feet were beginning to kill me again. At the point when I couldn't stand it anymore, I put on Rachmaninoff's 2nd concerto again.

The pain disappeared.

The case is closed. Classical music is apparently my panacea. I think it may have something to do with the fact that the brain cannot focus on so many things at a time. I'm not complaining...I'd rather enjoy a grand concert in my head than the pain from my body. Though I tend to get so engrossed in the music that I start waving my arms around as if I'm conducting the music ("like a maniac", according to BR)...but I'll accept the weird WTF thoughts going through BR's head rather than the pain as well.

-FCDH

New Pair of Shoes?

Hi Readers,

First, just a clarification - I am not depressed, nor was the point of my last post to show depression.

Instead, the point of it was to give a first-person perspective of all the years in my life that I spent hiding myself. I'm sure we all have felt these moments before, but to feel it day in and day out - it really takes a toll on you. I still can't really quantify the psychological impact that this has probably had on my childhood and teenage years, nor would I want to. The road of what-ifs is a slippery one to tread on, and in any case it is now too late for it.

I want to use this post to encourage any readers who may be in similar situations to reflect on their own situations. Think about what is important, and whether or not you are willing to risk your psychological well-being on hiding. I am not making a broad general statement for every closeted person to come out. Instead, think carefully about what you will gain, and what you will lose, by doing so.

For me, what I gained was the ability to face society head-on. To admit it to yourself is the first step, and to admit it to others is the second. Not that there isn't any discomfort there - there certainly is. It is still a somewhat taboo issue, but it's an issue that will not be going away anytime soon. To be able to face society, and yourself as well, is to show that you realize that the reality is the reality. It's a harsh reality, but then nobody said life is fair.

With that being said, I still have my moments of doubt. About myself, and how the rest of my life will play out. Straight people will often offer encouragements, but from my perspective, it's like the US patting Aung San Suu Kyi on the head and saying, "oh yeah, Burma's going to get democracy one day."

But when is that day? Will it ever come? That's the million dollar question. For the subset of society that must still live, saddled with this weight on our heads and chests, the only thing we can do is hope. It is like seeing a few rays of the sun shining on the horizon...we can only hope that it is the dawn of something special, and not the dusk.

-FCDH

Swirling Clouds

Hi Readers,

Through another friend, I met a boy today. We ate, we talked, and we walked. He's really cute, and his eyes are mesmerizing. I wish we could've continued walking and talking...damn the EWB meeting that I had. I don't know the next time I'll see him, or if there'll be a next time. I haven't felt like this in awhile.

I can't focus on my work. What's wrong with me?? Half of me is giddy and hopeful, while the other half is cautioning me against failure. Both halves know that I have a test on Monday and need to study, but they're both putting it on the back burner while they're battling it out.

Stop the scorched earth policy! I need my mind!

Am I setting myself up for failure?

Focus! Must derive the S parameters of a 2-port network. Pick up pencil. Yes, the pencil. Right there in front of you. Next to the cellphone. Ooo I have a text.

"oh silly David...Trix are for kids".

From a fellow EWBer. I love EWB. I love everyone in this organization.

SB, if you are reading this. I love you so much. You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for. You're probably the biggest reason I don't want to leave this place. I can't imagine not having you around. I can't imagine leaving this place. Has it only been 4 years? This place is a living entity...my water, my food, my shelter. I lost myself here, and I rediscovered myself here. I discovered the world, an infinite cache of knowledge.

There are sirens outside. Typical Halloween night sounds.

A ceasefire has been declared.

-FCDH

Glide Away

Hi Readers,

To those of you that don't already know it, I've taken up longboarding. My friend lent me his old longboard, so I've been practicing with it for the past month or so. The entire experience, from the first time I stepped on a longboard till now, has been quite amusing. Let me walk you through it.

I remember the first time I tried it. I had obtained the board on Friday night after rock climbing at the ARC. I woke up late on the following Saturday morning...like around 3pm late, and I immediately thought about trying it out. I took the board to the back entrance of Siebel center, where there was a slight incline. I stepped on the board, and gently nudged it forward...and about 3 seconds later I jumped off and the board flew away and crashed into...something. What exhilaration! Over the span of the next hour, I gradually moved from going downhill, to learning how to use my feet to propel myself, to going uphill. Granted I was still very unstable at this time, but hey I could stay on a longboard! Another goal accomplished =).

Within a week I was longboarding from home to the EWB office. There was a gentle slope downwards on the way, so I didn't have to propel much. Granted curbs and pedestrians freaked me out, but I managed it alright. The only time I've fallen has been at 2am with my backpack. Scraped my hands a little but it's fine. As time progressed, I've gotten more comfortable. Soon I'm boarding from the office to home...then from the office to other offices, to meetings, restaurants, or even walking with friends. Looking back now, it's hard to believe that a month ago I was still freaking out when the board tilted.

Boarding offers you a new angle on life. From a perch about 4 inches off the ground, you glide smoothly and majestically (or with cacophony and bumps over sidewalk cracks) as scenes and people fly past you. Moving from point A to B is no longer a mindless task ; now it's an exercise of dodging pedestrians, accelerating heartrates whenever there are bumps (which there always are), and planning out your trajectory from 15 feet away.

And you must always have an emergency plan in mind. What happens if that car doesn't stop at the crosswalk, of if that Korean girl gets the deer-in-headlight body freeze, or if the delta impulse from the extra-high sidewalk crack on the board-man momentum sum is enough to reverse the sign of the momentum on the board but not on the man.

Longboarding offers more than a danger of skinned elbows and bruised egos. It offers uncertainty and unpredictability, which is in short supply in our lives... and the tantalizing taste of failure, when you are only accountable to yourself and no other. We all need a taste of failure in our lives, so we can realize our vulnerability in the vast world. Nothing is guaranteed, and planned routes can fall apart at a single wide-eyed glance from a person frozen on your trajectory.

So swerve around, step beyond, and glide away.

-FCDH