Corporations vs. Startups

Hi Readers,

So one of the things that really stood out for me during spring break was the differences in the ECE/CS alumni that we talked to. To be honest, before that happened, I never really thought that it was that useful to meet with alumni. Sure, it was fun chatting and talking with people who have graduated and are now in the real world. However, the importance of student-alumni relations really struck me during my spring break visits.

When we were in San Francisco, we met with a venture capitalist named Paul from I/O Ventures, which is a startup company that provides resources and guidance for new tech startups. We talked with him for an hour about startups, and I left that meeting just KNOWING that I wanted to join startups. It just sounds so cool: you'd be choosing what you would be doing, the success and failure of the startup is solely dependent upon yourself, and you'd be your own boss. The independence sounds so appealing, plus the risk you're taking keeps your life exciting. It would be an adventure, and I will probably learn a lot from it, if I ever choose to go down that route. It is the "American Dream" for businesses.

Fast forward two days, at the Microsoft campus in Redmond, WA. Corporate to the core, completely opposite of the experience at SF. There are few hints of the startup spirit here, the same way as the lack of corporate spirit in the startup. But after talking with different Microsoft employees throughout the day, I left those meetings just KNOWING that I wanted to work in a giant corporation. (I actually left with a giant inclination to work for Microsoft. Man do they know how to sell themselves to other people.) It just seemed like such a stable and regimented life, knowing exactly that your hard work will always pay off in the form of promotions and raises, not having to worry about your job disappearing the next day. It is the "American Dream" for individuals.

How can such a dichotomy both provide such persuasive arguments? It does not seem right, to the rational person. These are fundamentally two different career and life paths, yet these are both valid paths. The only thing that is different is the risk and rewards that are involved with the paths. Does bigger risk come with a bigger reward in this case?

I have been brought up to believe in the way of the corporations. Stability was always of the utmost importance, and it always used to trump any individual developments. But I'd like to think that college has changed me. That, if the opportunity were to present itself one day, I would jump at the chance of being a part of a startup.

The future of engineering is glittering and awaiting. I can't wait to embrace the future.

-FCDH

Reflections on Stanford Visit

Hi Readers,

I am currently at the airport in Dallas, waiting for my connecting flight back to CU. Literally just 5 seconds ago, I ran into AX here, which was a nice surprise. AX flew out of Champaign on the same flight as me on Wednesday, except he was going to Intel for an interview and I was going to Stanford for my visit. What a coincidence that we ended up on the same flight again on the way back!

Anyways, back on topic. I visited Stanford on the DiscoverEE visitation trip for Electrical Engineers these past 2 days, and it was very, very eye-opening. Now I understand why people are encouraged to visit a campus before making their decision. My experience was a very mixed pot, and I am now feeling slightly stressed out about going to grad school (already).

Because Stanford couldn’t find a student host for me, I ended up finding one for myself. I crashed at my friend NJ’s place, where he had graciously taken me in and set up an air mattress for me. It was comfortable and he had a really nice studio (certainly much nicer than the studio that I used to live in). It ended up being really nice, because I could see the living conditions of the grad students, and NJ also took me around and told me a lot about things that I should expect and look for when I do come here.

Since I visited Stanford with JC and we had mutual friends there (including NJ), we ended up going out to dinner afterward at a place called the Straits. It was actually very nice and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Here’s a short summary of the positives and negatives I felt about Stanford.

Positives – Research

-I am really excited about the research opportunities that will be available at Stanford. There are so many professors there, and Stanford is really unique in that they encourage multidisciplinary and cross-discipline research. So I could literally go in and join a professor in the school of business, or agriculture, or physics, or any other major, as long as it is even tangentially related to Electrical Engineering.

-Stanford professors really encourage students to “hop” between different research groups in their first year, until they find a group that suits them. They even go as far as to say, “No I will not take you into my group immediately upon your entrance to grad school. But you can join my group temporarily to try it out first, and if it is a good match then I will take you.” This was really a big relief to me, because one of the things that I worried about was choosing a group that you are not compatible in, and then being miserable for the rest of your years while you try to battle out your research project and graduate. I always thought that it was a huge risk that I would have to take, but Stanford really minimizes this, which makes me feel better.

Negatives – Living

-Stanford’s campus seems somewhat boring. When I arrived at midnight on Wednesday, I did not see a single other person on the street apart from NJ, or cars as well. Though others told me that parties did happen in the dorms, it is still a big change from Illinois.

-Where are the restaurants and bars? After the student union closes at 10, the closest places to eat/drink are like 15-20 minutes away. No more Green St. and its bars and restaurants that are readily accessible and stay open till like 2am.

-HOUSING PRICES?!?! It seems universally agreed that at Stanford $600 is the lowest you can get, while on average it is around $1000 and can go up to $1600. And here I'm paying $320 a month. Ahhh that monthly rent payment will be so painful now!

I'm still pretty sure that I'll end up going to Stanford (since UC Santa Barbara seems to have rejected me, from its lack of response), despite JJ's attempts to convince me to go to UCSB. I'm just hoping that I won't regret it, since I turned down a full-time job at National Instruments to go to graduate school. It seems like the research is positive while the living is negative, which should balance out to neutral. I hope it'll all be great in the end.

Toodles for now! Next post on Japan earthquake.

-FCDH

Birthday Smatterings

Hi Readers,

TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm 22 now. SO OLD. Ugh.

Anyways, here is just a short entry about recent happenings and plans, along with a short political note.

Politics first. I hold no grudge toward Republicans that are jumping on Obama's statement about the unconstitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), and the fact that the government will stop defending it in court. However, those Republicans that are flat-out LYING and saying that Obama is not enforcing the law can go to hell. Boehner, this is looking at you.

Obama is required by law to enforce the law until it is repealed by either Congress, or ruled unconstitutional by the judicial system. He is doing exactly what he is supposed to do. But I know that conservative news networks are going to spread this lie like all the other lies, under the guise of the freedom of speech. This supposed "freedom of speech" is what grates on my nerves about the US, and probably the biggest deterrent to me settling down long-term here in the US.

Ok, now updates. First, grad schools:

I found out that I was rejected by MIT, which was not a big deal for me. Actually, it came as more of a relief, because now I won't be plagued by the "California or Boston" debate. It's settled: I'm going to California for grad school. Now, as for where...only time will tell. Apart from Stanford, I've also heard back from UC San Diego (accepted with 1 year fellowship), which I'm 99% sure I will decline. The only way I'll go to UCSD would be if I visited (unlikely since their visitation dates conflict with Stanford's) and fell in love with it. Highly unlikely, especially since the only reason I applied in the first place was because my friend MW at UCSD encouraged me to do so.

I'm still waiting to hear back from Berkeley, UC Santa Barbara, and Caltech. At the moment, assuming I had gotten into all of these schools, I will probably choose between Stanford and UCSB. But honestly, I'm not sure which one yet, but I'll have to see what their offers are.

Now, onto plans.

I'm planning on visiting Stanford during Mar. 10-11, for their DiscoverEE days. I'm so excited! I last visited California when I was 7, and I have long since forgotten that experience. My only knowledge of California right now is LAX, and transferring from the domestic terminal to the international terminal. Horrible experiences there, bleh.

A mere week after the Stanford visit, I'll be heading to California again, this time during spring break. The ECE department is sending 2 students (I'm one of them) to the Google headquarters in San Francisco, and Microsoft headquarters in Seattle, for alumni events. Since that's taking place from Monday-Thursday, I'm hoping to squeeze in a trip to Santa Barbara before it, and an EWB conference in Louisville after it. Here's to hoping everything works out with the trip!

That's all right now. It's 6am. It's my birthday. I've spent 8 hours working on homework today. No parties. I need to go home to sleep ughhhh. Tomorrow will be a tiring day.

-FCDH

Life Without a Cellphone

Hey Readers,

So it's been probably a month and a half since I last used a cellphone. It's been pretty weird, not being constantly connected to the world. Well, not being AS connected to the world as I'd like (I still facebook and gmail everyday...). But having survived for this long without a cellphone, I think it'd be cool to talk about this experience and about technology in general.

There are some major things that are different, and some that are the same. For example, my pockets are now light enough that I don't have to wear belts when wearing my baggy shorts. But I still feel phantom vibrations (when you think you feel the phone vibrating but it's actually not). The worst one: I actually need to plan out social outings with friends in advance now. Kind of annoying when your friends have cells and you don't. Not having a cellphone is probably the biggest reason why I think I've regressed socially this summer in Japan (doesn't help that most Japanese people here are also very anti-social..).

But in a way it's kinda nice. When I have a phone and I'm alone by myself, I'm usually tempted to call my friends and hang out, do something....anything to not be alone by myself. But without a phone, since there's really nothing I can do, I guess I've had to stop thinking about being with others, and just enjoy being with myself. The less connected I am with the world around me, the more connected I become with myself. It's definitely an unexpected side effect. Though granted, most people around me don't have phones (and I probably saved a lot of money by not getting it), so to me it doesn't seem like a big loss.

It's interesting, because when I first arrived in Japan by myself...I thought to myself, that I wasn't going to do what I had traditionally always done during my summers: to crave English interactions, friends, to drink and party a lot, and other stuff. I wanted Japan to be different, to try to be fully immersed in the culture. But slowly it's been slowly reverting back to what I wanted to avoid. I've made friends here (both English and non-English), and I do find myself craving human interactions most of the time. But not having a phone is definitely helping me become more self-sufficient with being alone.

Ironically, it is helping me become less shy at the same time. Because I can't just call up my friends and ask to hang out with them, when somebody I know asks me if I want to join them for a party or dinner, I now jump at the chance, even if I will not know most of the people there. Since I can't call up my friends to see what they are doing later, my choice has really already been made for me...and so ironically, I'm pretty sure I've made more acquaintances and friends in Japan than I would have if I had a cellphone.

What a weird coincidence! Not having a cellphone is helping me learn how to be alone AND more social at the same time. (I didn't think through everything when I started this post and now I'm pretty amazed at this turn of events). This is cool! But perhaps I will stick with a cellphone when I return to the US =). All for now!

PS: Will be climbing Mt. Fuji tomorrow (Saturday)....so nervous!!!

-FCDH

Law....?

Today, as I walked out of my class on the First Amendment, my professor was walking beside me, so we began to chat. I had the following short conversation with my law professor:

Prof: So are you going to become a lawyer?

Me: Oh no! I'm studying electrical engineering.

Prof: Engineering! What are you doing there? You should be studying law! It's so much more rewarding than engineering. Plus you would be good at it!

Ever since he said that, I've been thinking about this pretty much the whole day. I do find his class intensely interesting, when we talk about all the Supreme Court cases dealing with the First Amendment. Plus when we had to do research for our presentation on First Amendment applied to educational atmospheres, I found it really enjoyable and fun. Plus, I do love to argue and debate with people, and I'm usually very rational and pragmatic in my trains of thought.

I will admit, I've never been completely satisfied with electrical engineering. It always seemed like something was missing; even though I'm doing fantastically in EE, my heart just didn't seem to be completely there. But all other alternatives to EE that I had though about are now underneath it. There were really only two: civil engineering (which I stopped thinking about after CEE 498), and music performance (which was never a realistic dream, I suppose). But law...it may be just what I have been searching for.

I do think about going to public policy in the future. In my previous blogs, I've talked about how I don't think I am a "creator", and worrying about it. Now, I think that law might be able to bridge the difference that I was looking to reconcile.

But I have come to love EE...so I'll have to think about it some more, and definitely talk to my advisers and other people about it. But as of right now, I think I might just have created a possible future that I've never contemplated before.

-FCDH

Creator or Second-Hander?

Over the past 2 days I have been reading Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead". I've finished the book, which is pretty amazing, but the central theme of the book is bringing out fears that I've harbored about electrical engineering and about myself in general.

In the book, she distinguishes between 'creators' and 'second-handers' in the world. Creators are people who create works in the world, while second-handers are those who recycle other people's creations for their own purposes and contribute nothing to the world. Creators are the protagonists in the book, while second handers are the antagonists. And it's not hard to see why - she portrays the second-handers as being the leeches of the world.

I'm feeling quite lost by why I chose to do engineering, especially electrical engineering. I have not yet discovered my passion for EE yet, nor have I ever really created anything of value as an EE. When I look around me, I see so many of my fellows EE's who may not have the best grades, but who are definitely creators, and I just know that they'll do well as engineers in the future. Whereas when I look at myself....sure, my grades aren't bad, but I feel like I'll really never contribute anything meaningful by being an engineer. The worst part of it is, I'm lacking the passion to be a creator. It's not simply about not having the tools at my disposal, but it's about the fact that I just...don't really want to create anything. I'm fine being a second-hander.

This fact scares me the most, more than anything else in electrical engineering or in university. I used to make fun of people who go to college just to get a degree...but am I really any better than that? I'm glad that I'm at least getting good grades, and that's always been what my parents have taught me to do, but somehow I feel like there should be more to life, or a college education, than good grades. I've never created anything in my life, and I want to start, but I just don't know how to start it. People always tell me to just go online and look at guides or manuals, but without the mindset of a creator I just can't go through with it.

It's a similar situation, when I tell people who want to learn piano to just "pick up a learner's book and start playing". When you don't have the mindset, you won't be able to learn it. I cannot figure out if my mindset is something that I can change, or if I'll be stuck forever as a second-hander. I've been conditioned to be a second-hander my entire life, and after reading Ayn Rand's book, I feel like I could be doing more. But....how do I start?

-FCDH

Life and Death

I've wondered incessantly for awhile now, about the true worth of life, and about what life itself is worth to us. How do we judge how much life is worth? Almost more importantly, why do we strive to accomplish in life, when we know that we'll eventually meet each other on the other side anyways?

When you really think about death, and what it means, it's really not a scary thought. Death is simply the absence of life...when our senses fail us, when our cognitive abilities fail us, when our physical body leaves our control. People seem extremely shocked when I tell them that I've actually considered death as an option at one time or other. I don't really understand where this shock comes from...surely, there has to have been times when the disadvantages of life seem to outweigh the advantages so much, doesn't it?

The value of death, is that it frees you from having to deal with life. When ones value system has degraded to a point that death is the most highly valued option, then that's usually what happens. There was a time that family used to hold the highest position in my value system, whereas now it barely holds a position above that of death.

As I see it, life is about experiences and knowledge. The more there is to experience in life, the more things that lie between life and death. I'm constantly excited about what life offers, trying new things, learning new knowledge, and constantly pushing myself. Death is constantly creeping up on us, and the best thing to do before embracing death is to embrace all that life has to offer.

I've always seen death as eternal - a place where both perception and time do not exist. I don't believe in reincarnation, or heaven/hell, or any specified religious beliefs, for this reason. For me, we exist for one reason only: to experience all that we can. I realize that none of this may matter in death, but if death is eternal, then each moment spent in life is an eternity in death. So even though we all eventually end up at the same point in death, the route taken to reach the point is not the same. One person may spend an eternity longer in enjoyment of life than another person.

This sounds somewhat like selfish hedonism, and in a way it is. I do what I do, only because I love to do it, not for any external reasons. Life is too precious to do anything different. Through my bouts of depression, this is something that I've come to realize, and it is probably the most important thing about myself and about life that I will ever realize.

When you realize this too, you will understand exactly how one can change oneself, in order to benefit the most from life. I can remember a time when I used to be self-conscious, shy, and scared of trying new things. But now I've purged all those, for one and one reason only: to get the most out of life. And I'm still constantly seeking to weed out any remnants in me that may prohibit me from getting the most out of life, and to bring others into realization of this fact as well. Life is beautiful, and life is short. Life is too precious to be wasted. We must all change ourselves, the way we treat the world, the way we interact with people, in order to get the most out of our lives. There's so much potential that remains undiscovered.

I've lost too many opportunities in my youth already, but I won't waste anymore time regretting that. From now on, I will seize every opportunity that I can get to get what I want to get out of life. Love the world, love the people, but most importantly, love yourself and your life.

-FCDH

Winter is Neither Here nor There...yet

Ahhh I don't know what to do for winter break!

I just found out that I could shave off $200 from my plane ticket price to Vancouver if I chose to fly to Seattle and take the bus up....and now it only seems to cost $350 for a round trip ticket to Van. I've got people pulling me to go back to Van, and god knows I want to so badly...my snowboard is over there after all, and I kinda want to bring it back to campus so I wouldn't have to worry about equipment rentals when I want to go snowboarding here.

I really want to go back to snowboard and hang out with my old friends...but at the same time, money's an issue right now. If I stayed, I could probably save the $350 and spend much less going snowboarding in Wisconsin instead. Plus I could probably get a job on campus during winter like last year and save up. Downside: I get to face a ghost town. For a MONTH. *Flashback to last winter's emptiness and loneliness*.

Decisions, decisions. Ahhhhh! I wish I could just be like one of those preppy American middle class people who don't give shit about money and go on trips to Cancun and Florida for every break. I know I have enough money to go, if I wanted to, and that my parents would give me more if I needed. But I just feel like I need to be thrifty about money, and not be like one of those preppy ppl that I disdained against above. My tuition IS like 40 grand a year...a horrible figure.

I need to figure things out. And fast. Well I suppose it doesn't need to be fast, only if I want to go back to Van.

-FCDH