Insomnia

It's the night before the convex optimization final exam, and somehow I cannot sleep. It is probably the sheer amount of caffeine that I consumed tonight.

For some odd reason, I cannot stop thinking about my parents tonight. I am so troubled by what will happen to our relationship in the years to come. My dad, being the type of person he is, may likely never accept me as a son again post the coming out process. What will happen when he retires from work? We live thousands of miles apart from each other; a good son would take care of the parents when he has the means to do so. Yet I cannot reconcile between my duties as a son and my duties to myself. Am I supposed to move them to America? Move back to Taiwan? Does it even matter, if I can never fulfill their dreams of marrying a wife and starting a family? My parents have sacrificed their whole lives for other people - for my grandparents, and for my sister and I. Their time to sacrifice should be over, yet I cannot fathom how I can make their lives better without turning my back on myself and who I am.

The thought of my family makes me so miserable. I hate feeling helpless. Like I feel for this exam right now.

-FCDH

Reminder

What is wrong with me? I love life. This is not me.

I'm so conflicted.

Can't I just start over again? I'm losing it.

Surprisingly, the physical effort of rearranging my mouth into a smile actually helps.

So do the GSC election candidate numbers. We've done it.

Get back into that locked box, you monster.