Life Without a Cellphone

Hey Readers,

So it's been probably a month and a half since I last used a cellphone. It's been pretty weird, not being constantly connected to the world. Well, not being AS connected to the world as I'd like (I still facebook and gmail everyday...). But having survived for this long without a cellphone, I think it'd be cool to talk about this experience and about technology in general.

There are some major things that are different, and some that are the same. For example, my pockets are now light enough that I don't have to wear belts when wearing my baggy shorts. But I still feel phantom vibrations (when you think you feel the phone vibrating but it's actually not). The worst one: I actually need to plan out social outings with friends in advance now. Kind of annoying when your friends have cells and you don't. Not having a cellphone is probably the biggest reason why I think I've regressed socially this summer in Japan (doesn't help that most Japanese people here are also very anti-social..).

But in a way it's kinda nice. When I have a phone and I'm alone by myself, I'm usually tempted to call my friends and hang out, do something....anything to not be alone by myself. But without a phone, since there's really nothing I can do, I guess I've had to stop thinking about being with others, and just enjoy being with myself. The less connected I am with the world around me, the more connected I become with myself. It's definitely an unexpected side effect. Though granted, most people around me don't have phones (and I probably saved a lot of money by not getting it), so to me it doesn't seem like a big loss.

It's interesting, because when I first arrived in Japan by myself...I thought to myself, that I wasn't going to do what I had traditionally always done during my summers: to crave English interactions, friends, to drink and party a lot, and other stuff. I wanted Japan to be different, to try to be fully immersed in the culture. But slowly it's been slowly reverting back to what I wanted to avoid. I've made friends here (both English and non-English), and I do find myself craving human interactions most of the time. But not having a phone is definitely helping me become more self-sufficient with being alone.

Ironically, it is helping me become less shy at the same time. Because I can't just call up my friends and ask to hang out with them, when somebody I know asks me if I want to join them for a party or dinner, I now jump at the chance, even if I will not know most of the people there. Since I can't call up my friends to see what they are doing later, my choice has really already been made for me...and so ironically, I'm pretty sure I've made more acquaintances and friends in Japan than I would have if I had a cellphone.

What a weird coincidence! Not having a cellphone is helping me learn how to be alone AND more social at the same time. (I didn't think through everything when I started this post and now I'm pretty amazed at this turn of events). This is cool! But perhaps I will stick with a cellphone when I return to the US =). All for now!

PS: Will be climbing Mt. Fuji tomorrow (Saturday)....so nervous!!!

-FCDH

An Incomplete Requiem

Today morning, I found out about a tragedy. One of my friends, who was also one of my biggest role models that I looked up to, died this past weekend. The cause of death is still unknown as of yet...but that doesn't change how I feel about the loss. I feel as if the world has been robbed of all the talents and skills that she possessed, and all her friends robbed of her companionship.

She was a metaphorical giant amongst other overachievers. One of the legendary originals of Engineers Without Borders...one of the most renown, most feared, and most respected. Her name was always spoken with a certain reverence. In her presence, you knew you were in the presence of someone who could get things done, who had the foresight of a leader, and who has seen success numerous times.

At the same time, she was caring about those around her. For those who wanted advice, she gave it. For those who wanted a helping hand, she offered it. For those who wanted to make a difference, she made sure that they did not quit, and offered encouragement for their success.

You were one of my biggest role models. You were an untouchable in my mind...I strived so hard to live up to the potential of the foundations that you and others laid for Engineers Without Borders. Even now I am not sure I have succeeded, but you were always at the back of my mind, urging me forward, not to quit. In my mind, you could do no wrong.

But your invincibility was shattered in my mind today. Why?? Why did this have to happen?? There was so much more that you could have done, so much more you could have taught, so much more you could have experienced...there was such a bright future ahead for you.

So much died with you. Even now, I still cannot comprehend the magnitude of the loss that we are all suffering from your passing. I can still see your face in my mind...you chuckling at my disillusionment of EWB... you idly asking about my day when we pass on the street... your humorous conversations during the EWB bar crawl...

Did you hear my whispers to you today as I rode past the idyllic rice paddies? Wherever you are...I have faith that you will be able to make as much difference there as you have in this life. I cannot stop the tears from coming to my eyes right now, but I will try to be happy for you, wherever you are. Your spirit will live on in us forever.

Like a luminescent bubble soaring upwards in the breeze, let the brilliance of your soul and spirit shimmer on forever...always visible in our minds and our hearts.

Until we meet again, my friend.

Rest In Peace.

-FCDH

Israel's Slow Leftward Transition?

Hi Readers!

Update first. I went to Tokyo yesterday (Saturday) with two of my French friends, who were meeting their other 2 French friends in Tokyo to go have fun. I ended up being the odd one out, being the only person with English as a primary language, since everybody else was speaking French to each other. But since I could speak some French it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I will admit - it was still a somewhat annoying trip into Tokyo, almost not worth the $14 train ticket. But one thing rescued it from being a complete disaster (in my opinion) - one of the French guys we met at Shibuya station was probably the most attractive guy I've ever seen in my life. Granted he said like 3 sentences to me the entire night and probably doesn't even know my name, but that in itself put the night up from 'complete borefest' to 'barely tolerable'.

Anyways, today's topic: Israel (again as usual). I don't really know why I focus on Israel so much - I mean, there's loads of international issues like Krygyzstan's presidential election, or Poland's presidential election, etc. etc. I guess I find the moral gray area for the Israeli-Palestinian conflict more interesting to blog about. So here goes.

There's one thing about Google News that bothers me slightly. It's that the "international news" sections has a lot of news about Israel, but often from the 3 Israeli News Outlets: Haaretz, Jerusalem Post, and another one (Ynet or something similar). I usually get quite annoyed and pissed off at these...because they have SUCH one-sided pro-Israel viewpoints that it was disgusting. During the Gaza conflict, these were the headlines that read "Gaza War justified and legal despite alleged humanitarian violations"...during the Biden-settlement issue, these were also the ones saying "Settlements justified...Americans can go to hell...blah blah blah." I used to think it was complete and utter garbage, like Fox News in the US.

But lately, since the Mavi Marmara incident (Turkish ship tried to run blockade and ended up with 9 people dead by Israeli commandos), I've noticed that these media sources are surprisingly docile, and even somewhat anti-Israeli government. There are news and opinion articles lambasting the government's response to the ship, the "neutral committee" that has no authority and no international approval, and the current failed blockade on Gaza. Even as Erdogan, Turkey's Prime Minister, blasts Israel for the killing of 9 Turks on board the ship, and as Turkish relations with Israel continues to deteriorate, I actually found many articles on both JP and Haaretz saying "it's not their fault...it's ours". I was quite flabbergasted by the 180 turn from their usual reporting.

I wonder if this is an indication of Israel's gradual shift leftwards. Ever since Netanyahu took over, Israel's only been embroiled in crisis after crisis. Watching their world status plummet over and over again, as Hamas remains as firmly in control of Gaza as ever, as Ahmadinejad continues his flaming rhetoric against Israel, as their biggest Muslim ally Turkey slid away from them...I'd imagine the media is becoming more and more hard-pressed to support the government. As media is probably the most effective method of controlling people, this may be just the first indication of the backlash against Netanyahu's government.

It'd be similar if we saw MSNBC turn against the Democrats, or Fox News turn against Republicans. Though I doubt either would ever happen...but it'd be quite the sight to see.

-FCDH

Love the World...by Yourself

Hi Readers!

First, an update.

It's been another busy week! I finally finished my 109-slide powerpoint for work (whew!) documenting pretty much everything I ever learned about semiconductors, as well as some new things I learned about the use of diamond in UV detectors. Seriously, I could probably use this to give a couple of lectures and seminars on semiconductors. My supervisor assigned me the ppt 3 weeks ago, and I went back in a week with 30 slides (which I thought was long enough)...and he was like "why is it so short? 50 slides should be the absolute minimum and you should be aiming for 100!" So voila...109 slides. (There will be people sleeping in my powerpoint presentation next week, no doubt about it. =P) Next week I should be starting to actually do the hands on research, which I am excited about! Just hope that theoretical results will be reflected in our experimental results.

So this blog post is concerning a topic which I find intriguing. It's about loving the world...without the influence of others. I am somewhat curious about how other people perceive the world. Here's some background info.

It seems that, everywhere I seem to go in the world, people view partying and drinking and socializing as THE way to relax and spend your Friday nights. As humans are naturally social creatures (apart from some people), it seems only natural to do this. But lately I've began to deviate and reject this approach to having fun. Sure, you might meet interesting people in a bar, or get drunk and have fun...but at the end, it seems so superficial. It is beginning to feel like a chore, to constantly hang around your friends, to seek pleasure from your interactions with them. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I don't like to think that I am dependent upon others for my enjoyment.

Therefore, I've started to peel away from some of the more "social" activities here in Japan. Instead of going with the big group of researchers to drink coffee after lunch, I now go for long bike rides by myself in the free hour we have. I've discovered beautiful farmland and scenery, and I take joy in discovering new places, and getting lost amongst the winding roads in Japan. I feel so free, when I am by myself and can simply wander as I wish, not needing an itinerary or doing what I've traditionally done, which was to cram as much in as possible and to do what everyone else was doing.

I asked a friend a couple of days ago, what he thought the real purpose of tourism was. In my mind, many people simply visit famous places and take pictures, so that they can show others "hey I was here!". I used to be one of these people. But here again, is an "others"-oriented approach. I believe that tourism should be no different than living life. If I don't really care about seeing the Eiffel Tower when I am in Paris..why would I visit it? But others would say ("you traveled all the way to Paris and didn't see the Eiffel Tower?")

Last summer, I was in Madrid, and I used to look upon my fellow students' behaviors with somewhat astonishment. They traveled all the way to Spain...to go relax in the city park on a Saturday afternoon? I snubbed my nose at them and I traveled to Segovia instead...but when I look back, it wasn't really the better decision by any means. I didn't really care about seeing the Cathedral there, only about taking pictures of everything I could see there, so I could prove that I didn't waste my time in Spain.

Prove to who? Others. But should I have to care what others think about my trip to Spain or how I use my time? No.

I'm conflicted about how to state my point that I am trying to make in this post, or even how to create a coherent point from a vague feeling I have. It's not that friends are not necessary - they are, definitely. But I feel that it is extremely important to become self-sufficient in society. The people I see, who go to bars every weekend, come across as somewhat needy and lacking in self-sufficiency. To crave human interactions is not a bad thing...but to spend all your free time on it seems to be somewhat destructive to personal development. Spending time by yourself, or being a loner, is not any worse than being at a party or a social gathering. But it contradicts what we are constantly bombarded with in society, that loners are not cool and live miserable lives. Ultimately, I want to be able to be comfortable and content by myself - with happiness derived from me and me alone, and not from others.

(I think I am slowly becoming a loner. Sorry for this incoherent post.)

-FCDH

Transportastic Tokyo

Hi Readers!

Hope you have enjoyed your weekends! I spent the past weekend in Tokyo, and I loved it. Not because of what the usual attractions are (shopping, culture, whatever else), but the most interesting aspect of Tokyo for me is its transportation system.

For those who don't know me well, I have several fascinations. I list them here in descending order of fascination:

-Food

-Languages

-Rapid Transit Systems / Transportation Infrastructure

-Water

This blog will concern the 3rd one: rapid transit. Out of all of these fascinations, the transportation infrastructure one is the hardest one to satisfy for me (especially because the US and Canada have quite crappy systems).

Everytime I return to Taiwan, I look forward to riding the Taipei MRT System (Metro Rapid Transit). It's so modern, fast, and efficient - and this boggles my mind. I'm looking forward to the completion of the many lines that are under construction right now.

But nothing, NOTHING, can compare to Tokyo's rail system. It's simply amazing, the way there are so many lines going every where. And there are SO MANY PEOPLE taking it, it's absolutely unreal. Below is an image from only one platform of the Shinjuku Station, at 11:30pm on a Saturday night. The train was more crowded than during rush hour in Taipei.

Everything about Tokyo's rail system is appealing to me. The warning sound before the door closes, the silently efficient motors, the Japanese feminine announcements, and the fact that there are so many ways to travel from point A to B.

Granted, it's horrendous to navigate, and I think virtually impossible without a map or prior experience. When there's something like 10+ possible trains you could take at a single station, the possibility for screwing up tends to increase.

Both Shinjuku and Shibuya were pretty bad for this, both being gigantic stations that probably holds tens of thousands of people at any one time.

I don't know why it interests me so, but navigating the Tokyo railway system was the most interesting thing that I did in Tokyo. I am especially proud at having navigated myself from Shibuya to Ueno, and then walked all the way to Akihabara station, without getting lost. =)

The Rest of Tokyo (that is not trains)

Places I visited in Tokyo:

-Shibuya crossing (picture above - way too overrated)

-Shinjuku (station itself is the main attraction)

-Asakusa (I've visited here before with my mom!)

-Ueno (Park is nice and I had Tom Yom Ramen!)

-Akihabara (I spent 3 hours reading manga here)

-Ookayama (Shunji's house is small but cozy)

Hanging out with the IAESTE Japan group was amazingly fun. I practiced and learned so much Japanese, and I made a lot of new friends. Hanging out at Shunji's house afterwards was also fun (I just wish it hadn't been so hot so I could have slept more than 3 hours...but it's not a big deal). Overall, it was an extremely fun experience. I'm looking forward to (potentially) taking the Shinkansen, but we'll see if that's possible.

So now that Tokyo's checked off the list, next subway system to visit will be Moscow's system. I have high hopes for Soviet realism and 80km/h subway cars =).

Ja Mata! / じゃまた！/ See you later!

-FCDH

First Impressions of Japan

Hello Readers,

A week has passed in Japan, and I'm offering my first impressions here.

Living Quarters: There is simply one word for it: amazing. My lodging here (which is mostly paid for by the National Institute for Materials Science, my employer), is absolutely amazing.

The picture on the left is a picture of the apartment / dormitory complex that I am currently staying at in Japan. There's a library, central courtyard (where I had a bbq with a bunch of random students from Tsukuba University), and workout room. I live in a double room by myself (they must have ran out of singles), and I love it every single day I am here.

I also have a bike! Awesome way to exercise. Last Saturday and Sunday alone, I biked 80km.

Food: Most people will know that I love most food in general. But Japanese food has always been one of my favorites. Sashimi (raw fish slices) and ramen are two of my favorite food in the world. I've eaten ramen almost every day at lunchtime at the cafeteria, and it's so amazing. Sure, the 500 yen price sounds astronomical, but it's almost cheaper than a Subway footlong.

Work: I've only started, but I already have a good feeling about working at NIMS. The people there are very friendly, and I am quite astonished that I actually know what they are talking about! Thanks a lot for your education, ECE department, for all the semiconductor classes!! (As a side note - I recommend anyone wanting to shock others on semiconductor knowledge to take the ECE 440/444/488/495 combo. This has re-emphasized the hallowed status that they give to our university in the realms of semiconductors - thanks to the inventors of the transistors / LED / Quantum well laser / Transistor laser here).

Weather: Most people told me it would be rainy. Well instead it's rained 1 day and been sunny every other day here...and I love it.

I am loving Japan as of right now. However, even through my enthusiasm and openness, there are some subtle flash points that I am keeping a close watch on. For one thing, I am keeping a tight lid on the fact that I am gay - it's not accepted in Japanese culture, plus I don't know how my French friends may react (if any of you are reading this - please let me know how you feel). Also, the more Japanese work ethics and behaviors I see, the more apprehensive I am slowly becoming. It's also extremely hard to make Japanese friends, because of the lack of interaction and the fact that they all seem to be so shy. I am also beginning to feel somewhat lonely here, but perhaps I will be able to fix that as I continue adapting.

I will travel to Tokyo this Saturday, to visit Yurina Nomura-san, who is my contact with IAESTE Japan. I am looking forward to it...and to purchasing what will most likely become thousands of yen's worth of postcards. Oh well...it's my obligation as a global wanderer to do so.

Till the next post!

-FCDH

Le Bibliotheque

Such majestic balls of light

Floating in mid-air

Hanging over a drop

Over a hardened heart

Over a lonely arbiter

A matrix of spikes

Overwhelming the senses

Advancing towards me

Metal bars stand in the way

Sullenly doing their duty

Stare blankly at them I did

Our Lady Peace in my ear I heard

Decades of history around me I saw

Sterility in the air I smelled

Blankness in my heart I felt

Why are we trapped by what we know?

A Priori is imprisoning me

My heart does not settle

My dreams are haunted property

My soul is twisted tightly

I told the bird to take flight

And take flight it did

But its wings grow tired by the day

And mockingbirds stream past

All flying in the other way

As I saw the Lotus settle

Everything returned to normal

Just another hallucination

Of a perfectly lucid mind

Polluted by the fumes of fear

Without a backwards glance

I spread my wings

And take to the air again

Looking for tomorrow's salvation

In the ashes of today

-FCDH

06/07/2010

Israel's Failure at Suppressing Democracy

In life, there are many situations where we must sacrifice a part of what we have in order to preserve the remnants, instead of losing everything that we have. This also holds in democracy. Many countries in the world, including the US, regularly suppress democracy as a means of preserving it. The only difference is, when we "suppress" democracy, we are silencing entire parts of the human population, and forcing alternative choices upon them to choose. It is de facto a page taken from the authoritarian regimes...so why do we do it?

Most countries do not allow political parties to exist, whose goals are to split up the country or compromise its national security in any way. This is true for the USA (no Confederate parties), Germany (no NAZI parties), China (no other parties at all). An exception must be made to Canada - congratulations for allowing for the existence of the Bloc Quebecois party, whose primary goal is to allow the Canadian province of Quebec to secede and become its own country.

However, when the clause for national security is taken farther than the country's own borders, there is an immediate ethical issue regarding it. There are several examples of foreign-fueled overthrow of democratically elected governments: Salvador Allende in Chile, Sandinistas in Nicaragua, and others.

But none of these interventions had the direct human impact of Israel's blockade of Gaza. We must remember that the Hamas government came to power through a legitimate election in the Palestinian Territories. And because of their democratic decision, the people of Gaza were to be punished with a crushing blockade that includes non-weapon items such as canned fruits or notebooks. Israel is hoping that, through punishing the Gazan populace with miserable (see: human rights abuse) living conditions, that they will reject the Hamas government and elect a better government (see: Israel-leaning government).

However, Israel is missing one important point: it is directly punishing the people that it is relying on to make this regime change. And unlike Israel, Hamas is trying its best to provide essentials to the people, to make their living conditions bearable. It is providing goods that are stopped by the blockades (albeit through smuggling), it has rebuilt much of Gaza City after the war with Israel, it has provided healthcare to those who need it. Is it really any surprise that, despite many years of miserable living conditions, the people of Gaza still choose to support Hamas instead of Israel?

And now, with the whole Peace Flotilla issue, Israel cannot stand to lose any more respect and standing in the world. Its human rights abuses are no longer being dismissed by the US, and it has lost Turkey as its most important ally in the Middle East. Hamas has still remained as an immovable force in Gaza, and people are increasingly shifting blame of the Israel-Palestinian crisis to Israel. Is it unfair that world opinions are shifting this way? Yes - but the burden is put on Israel, being the instigator of the blockade and human right abuses, to justify these actions. And since these actions are not shown to be working, they can no longer be justified.

The American founders encoded this "instigator's burden of proof" concept into the Constitution, and it is the way we have always done things. Americans are not "turning against Israel"... they are simply opening their eyes to Israel's actions, and realizing that it runs contrary to our founding principles. Netanyahu probably sees this, but whether or not he can convince the Knesset and the Israeli populace of the need to lift the blockade, only time will tell.

-FCDH

Ridiculous Conversations I've Had About Homosexuality

After coming out to my parents, I knew that returning to Taiwan to face my parents would be hard. Surprisingly, it wasn’t so bad. I think my mom is fully ok now with me being gay, and my dad seems to be slowly coming around. But the numerous conversations that we had about homosexuality prompted me to write this blog post, though not all of the things in this post came from them.

1. Who will have to dress up as the woman in the relationship?

When this question was first asked to me, it was “who will be the woman in the relationship.” First I thought they were asking about who would be doing what in bed, which would have been an awkward conversation. Luckily after some clarification, it became a simpler question to answer. Excuse me, I’m gay for a reason. That reason is because I find men attractive, not woman. If I wanted someone to dress up as a woman in the relationship, I’d probably just stick with actual women.

2. Why aren’t you more flamboyant?

Because it’s a stereotype. Because I’m comfortable with who I am and how I act, and how I act happens to be non-flamboyant. Because the moons of Saturn have not aligned yet. Because I’m the same person I was?

3. Why did you choose to be gay?

I had an hour long conversation with my mom, in which she kept asking this question. She simply could not understand why I was willing to make this choice and risk being socially ostracized and being an outcast. What I kept said to her: “Well shouldn’t that be enough to convince you that it’s not a choice?” Seriously, I’m happy with who I am now, but if it were a choice I’d choose the safer and more predictable option in a heartbeat. After much repetition of the same argument, she finally accepted the logic.

4. How do you know you’re gay without sleeping with girls?

Both my parents asked me this. I answered by asking my dad and my mom if they had ever slept with members of the same sex. When they said no, I told them that the way they knew they were straight is the same way I knew I was gay. I even traveled a harder path than they did: I convinced myself to go into a relationship with a wonderful girl in the hopes that it might change me, before I was finally “sure” in their eyes. Where’s their same-sex relationships to make sure of their sexuality?

5. Why don’t you change yourself in order not to be gay?

When my dad asked me this, I responded by asking him if he thought he could become un-gay in the hypothetical situation that he were gay. He said that he thought he could, through determination and will. I then asked him if he thought he could change himself into a gay person from the person he is now, through the same “determination and will”, and he was silent. There are no one-way roads in this matter…either it’s possible both ways or it’s not possible at all.

6. You’re gay because there are no girls in engineering.

If this is true, then I truly feel sorry for all the guys in engineering…as they will all be gay.

7. You’re gay because you have no friends.

Both my parents said this to me several times. Out of all of the conversations, this one was the one I actually felt some anger and not simply annoyance…yes, please add oil to the fire by insinuating that the son that you don’t know at all has no social ability and cannot make friends, in addition to being a disgrace to the family. Sheesh.

There are more, but I think I’ll stop here for now. All-in-all, I’m extremely glad I told my parents, and things have gone better than even I could have hoped. I’ve become a better person through it all, and I hope I can continue to eliminate homophobia in the world.

Hope whoever is reading is having a good summer!

-FCDH