Hi Readers,
I feel like I need to write this post to remind myself how to be happy by myself. Being in a relationship, I'm becoming too complacent about my own personal happiness, more specifically the source of my happiness. I must remember how to derive happiness from other places and other activities than just from him. Life passes at an unyielding pace. I've become so used to going at a breakneck speed through life, that being in a relationship is throwing my sense of happiness all off-kilter. I must come to realize that other people travel at different speeds through life.
In the past 2 months, I have come to find that the road through this relationship is littered with speed bumps. Like the stereotypical bad Asian driver, I lack hindsight, and believe that the last speed bump I passed through will be the last. Naturally I get frustrated with all of the speed bumps, because it necessitates a repeated process of acceleration and sudden braking as the speed bump comes into view. At the current moment, I find myself in a state of mind where happiness is only garnered when one has reached the destination point. I find myself constantly frustrated with the speed bumps, not because they are there, but because I keep putting the expectation into my mind that I'll be able to speed, and keep having that expectation broken over and over again.
I have forgotten what I used to do when I didn't have a car. I used to walk or bike, and enjoy taking time out to smell the roses or to appreciate the scenery. I would explore paths through the forest on a whim, and enjoy the journey itself as well as upon reaching the destination. The world is still full of unexplored wonders. But now, all I do is wait around for the next time I'll get to see him? On average, I shouldn't be feeling less happy than I did before I was in the relationship. It is a paradox.
I love being with him. It's simple, easy, and I can find happiness with a phone call and a short drive. But I must stop myself from turning into this domesticated animal, dependent on others for my own happiness. Since he has put up his speed bumps, I must somehow learn to put up my own speed bumps, to prevent myself from being disappointed. More than that, I need to remove the destination from view, in order to stop my expectations from hitting a brick wall over and over again.
Let me turn off the GPS system and go for a joyride. Destination unknown.
-FCDH
I feel like I need to write this post to remind myself how to be happy by myself. Being in a relationship, I'm becoming too complacent about my own personal happiness, more specifically the source of my happiness. I must remember how to derive happiness from other places and other activities than just from him. Life passes at an unyielding pace. I've become so used to going at a breakneck speed through life, that being in a relationship is throwing my sense of happiness all off-kilter. I must come to realize that other people travel at different speeds through life.
In the past 2 months, I have come to find that the road through this relationship is littered with speed bumps. Like the stereotypical bad Asian driver, I lack hindsight, and believe that the last speed bump I passed through will be the last. Naturally I get frustrated with all of the speed bumps, because it necessitates a repeated process of acceleration and sudden braking as the speed bump comes into view. At the current moment, I find myself in a state of mind where happiness is only garnered when one has reached the destination point. I find myself constantly frustrated with the speed bumps, not because they are there, but because I keep putting the expectation into my mind that I'll be able to speed, and keep having that expectation broken over and over again.
I have forgotten what I used to do when I didn't have a car. I used to walk or bike, and enjoy taking time out to smell the roses or to appreciate the scenery. I would explore paths through the forest on a whim, and enjoy the journey itself as well as upon reaching the destination. The world is still full of unexplored wonders. But now, all I do is wait around for the next time I'll get to see him? On average, I shouldn't be feeling less happy than I did before I was in the relationship. It is a paradox.
I love being with him. It's simple, easy, and I can find happiness with a phone call and a short drive. But I must stop myself from turning into this domesticated animal, dependent on others for my own happiness. Since he has put up his speed bumps, I must somehow learn to put up my own speed bumps, to prevent myself from being disappointed. More than that, I need to remove the destination from view, in order to stop my expectations from hitting a brick wall over and over again.
Let me turn off the GPS system and go for a joyride. Destination unknown.
-FCDH
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