Hi Readers,
Last night my mom and dad called me. We hadn't spoken to each other for more than a month, not because of any concrete disagreements or anything, but just because we've been so busy. Anyways, we chatted about various things. Mom and dad updated me about their health and how things were going in Taipei, and I told them about finals week and about going to Vegas (will post about Vegas later).
And then my mom told me, "You remember that cup you got dad last year for Christmas? The one that said 'World's Best Dad'? Well, he uses it every single day now. It's a good cup for coffee." It was pretty much the last thing (within reason) that I was expecting to hear, and I was so taken aback that I couldn't speak for a moment.
I've always felt that, very deep down, my dad blames himself for all the wrong things that happened to the family. Being in a patriarchal nuclear family, he is essentially the captain of the family and charting a course for us. I'm always afraid that he looks on any 'failings' of individual family members as a failing of his leadership of the family. He's a very stubborn guy, always going for the "what-if"s and never allowing himself to accept failure.
Ever since I came out to him, I've suspected that he was wracked with guilt for not being there during my bringing up in Canada. He probably blamed himself for pushing me too hard academically, discouraging me from dating, for having to work in Taiwan while I lacked a masculine role model in Canada, or for any other potential "what-ifs" that he could think of that could've helped me become a heterosexual instead of homosexual.
I think this is the reason why that comment from my mom made me really emotional. I love my mom, dad, and sister, and the past few years have been so taxing on all of us from a family standpoint, that the statement was almost like a beacon of hope from their side of the divide. Somehow, the thought of my dad using the cup I got him and the message it contains, gave me hope that he doesn't believe he is a failed dad. I hope the fact that he is using the cup means he is embracing the message on it. Because he definitely isn't a failed dad. He has sacrificed so much for the success of the family, that he is far from being a failed dad. I sent him the cup because I do believe that he is a great dad, and it's time he recognizes that.
So my mom and dad may have inadvertently gave me the best Christmas gift they've ever gotten me: The hope for a stronger and happier family.
-FCDH
Last night my mom and dad called me. We hadn't spoken to each other for more than a month, not because of any concrete disagreements or anything, but just because we've been so busy. Anyways, we chatted about various things. Mom and dad updated me about their health and how things were going in Taipei, and I told them about finals week and about going to Vegas (will post about Vegas later).
And then my mom told me, "You remember that cup you got dad last year for Christmas? The one that said 'World's Best Dad'? Well, he uses it every single day now. It's a good cup for coffee." It was pretty much the last thing (within reason) that I was expecting to hear, and I was so taken aback that I couldn't speak for a moment.
I've always felt that, very deep down, my dad blames himself for all the wrong things that happened to the family. Being in a patriarchal nuclear family, he is essentially the captain of the family and charting a course for us. I'm always afraid that he looks on any 'failings' of individual family members as a failing of his leadership of the family. He's a very stubborn guy, always going for the "what-if"s and never allowing himself to accept failure.
Ever since I came out to him, I've suspected that he was wracked with guilt for not being there during my bringing up in Canada. He probably blamed himself for pushing me too hard academically, discouraging me from dating, for having to work in Taiwan while I lacked a masculine role model in Canada, or for any other potential "what-ifs" that he could think of that could've helped me become a heterosexual instead of homosexual.
I think this is the reason why that comment from my mom made me really emotional. I love my mom, dad, and sister, and the past few years have been so taxing on all of us from a family standpoint, that the statement was almost like a beacon of hope from their side of the divide. Somehow, the thought of my dad using the cup I got him and the message it contains, gave me hope that he doesn't believe he is a failed dad. I hope the fact that he is using the cup means he is embracing the message on it. Because he definitely isn't a failed dad. He has sacrificed so much for the success of the family, that he is far from being a failed dad. I sent him the cup because I do believe that he is a great dad, and it's time he recognizes that.
So my mom and dad may have inadvertently gave me the best Christmas gift they've ever gotten me: The hope for a stronger and happier family.
-FCDH
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment