Love the World...by Yourself

Hi Readers!

First, an update.

It's been another busy week! I finally finished my 109-slide powerpoint for work (whew!) documenting pretty much everything I ever learned about semiconductors, as well as some new things I learned about the use of diamond in UV detectors. Seriously, I could probably use this to give a couple of lectures and seminars on semiconductors. My supervisor assigned me the ppt 3 weeks ago, and I went back in a week with 30 slides (which I thought was long enough)...and he was like "why is it so short? 50 slides should be the absolute minimum and you should be aiming for 100!" So voila...109 slides. (There will be people sleeping in my powerpoint presentation next week, no doubt about it. =P) Next week I should be starting to actually do the hands on research, which I am excited about! Just hope that theoretical results will be reflected in our experimental results.

So this blog post is concerning a topic which I find intriguing. It's about loving the world...without the influence of others. I am somewhat curious about how other people perceive the world. Here's some background info.

It seems that, everywhere I seem to go in the world, people view partying and drinking and socializing as THE way to relax and spend your Friday nights. As humans are naturally social creatures (apart from some people), it seems only natural to do this. But lately I've began to deviate and reject this approach to having fun. Sure, you might meet interesting people in a bar, or get drunk and have fun...but at the end, it seems so superficial. It is beginning to feel like a chore, to constantly hang around your friends, to seek pleasure from your interactions with them. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I don't like to think that I am dependent upon others for my enjoyment.

Therefore, I've started to peel away from some of the more "social" activities here in Japan. Instead of going with the big group of researchers to drink coffee after lunch, I now go for long bike rides by myself in the free hour we have. I've discovered beautiful farmland and scenery, and I take joy in discovering new places, and getting lost amongst the winding roads in Japan. I feel so free, when I am by myself and can simply wander as I wish, not needing an itinerary or doing what I've traditionally done, which was to cram as much in as possible and to do what everyone else was doing.

I asked a friend a couple of days ago, what he thought the real purpose of tourism was. In my mind, many people simply visit famous places and take pictures, so that they can show others "hey I was here!". I used to be one of these people. But here again, is an "others"-oriented approach. I believe that tourism should be no different than living life. If I don't really care about seeing the Eiffel Tower when I am in Paris..why would I visit it? But others would say ("you traveled all the way to Paris and didn't see the Eiffel Tower?")

Last summer, I was in Madrid, and I used to look upon my fellow students' behaviors with somewhat astonishment. They traveled all the way to Spain...to go relax in the city park on a Saturday afternoon? I snubbed my nose at them and I traveled to Segovia instead...but when I look back, it wasn't really the better decision by any means. I didn't really care about seeing the Cathedral there, only about taking pictures of everything I could see there, so I could prove that I didn't waste my time in Spain.

Prove to who? Others. But should I have to care what others think about my trip to Spain or how I use my time? No.

I'm conflicted about how to state my point that I am trying to make in this post, or even how to create a coherent point from a vague feeling I have. It's not that friends are not necessary - they are, definitely. But I feel that it is extremely important to become self-sufficient in society. The people I see, who go to bars every weekend, come across as somewhat needy and lacking in self-sufficiency. To crave human interactions is not a bad thing...but to spend all your free time on it seems to be somewhat destructive to personal development. Spending time by yourself, or being a loner, is not any worse than being at a party or a social gathering. But it contradicts what we are constantly bombarded with in society, that loners are not cool and live miserable lives. Ultimately, I want to be able to be comfortable and content by myself - with happiness derived from me and me alone, and not from others.

(I think I am slowly becoming a loner. Sorry for this incoherent post.)

-FCDH

Transportastic Tokyo

Hi Readers!

Hope you have enjoyed your weekends! I spent the past weekend in Tokyo, and I loved it. Not because of what the usual attractions are (shopping, culture, whatever else), but the most interesting aspect of Tokyo for me is its transportation system.

For those who don't know me well, I have several fascinations. I list them here in descending order of fascination:

-Food

-Languages

-Rapid Transit Systems / Transportation Infrastructure

-Water

This blog will concern the 3rd one: rapid transit. Out of all of these fascinations, the transportation infrastructure one is the hardest one to satisfy for me (especially because the US and Canada have quite crappy systems).

Everytime I return to Taiwan, I look forward to riding the Taipei MRT System (Metro Rapid Transit). It's so modern, fast, and efficient - and this boggles my mind. I'm looking forward to the completion of the many lines that are under construction right now.

But nothing, NOTHING, can compare to Tokyo's rail system. It's simply amazing, the way there are so many lines going every where. And there are SO MANY PEOPLE taking it, it's absolutely unreal. Below is an image from only one platform of the Shinjuku Station, at 11:30pm on a Saturday night. The train was more crowded than during rush hour in Taipei.

Everything about Tokyo's rail system is appealing to me. The warning sound before the door closes, the silently efficient motors, the Japanese feminine announcements, and the fact that there are so many ways to travel from point A to B.

Granted, it's horrendous to navigate, and I think virtually impossible without a map or prior experience. When there's something like 10+ possible trains you could take at a single station, the possibility for screwing up tends to increase.

Both Shinjuku and Shibuya were pretty bad for this, both being gigantic stations that probably holds tens of thousands of people at any one time.

I don't know why it interests me so, but navigating the Tokyo railway system was the most interesting thing that I did in Tokyo. I am especially proud at having navigated myself from Shibuya to Ueno, and then walked all the way to Akihabara station, without getting lost. =)

The Rest of Tokyo (that is not trains)

Places I visited in Tokyo:

-Shibuya crossing (picture above - way too overrated)

-Shinjuku (station itself is the main attraction)

-Asakusa (I've visited here before with my mom!)

-Ueno (Park is nice and I had Tom Yom Ramen!)

-Akihabara (I spent 3 hours reading manga here)

-Ookayama (Shunji's house is small but cozy)

Hanging out with the IAESTE Japan group was amazingly fun. I practiced and learned so much Japanese, and I made a lot of new friends. Hanging out at Shunji's house afterwards was also fun (I just wish it hadn't been so hot so I could have slept more than 3 hours...but it's not a big deal). Overall, it was an extremely fun experience. I'm looking forward to (potentially) taking the Shinkansen, but we'll see if that's possible.

So now that Tokyo's checked off the list, next subway system to visit will be Moscow's system. I have high hopes for Soviet realism and 80km/h subway cars =).

Ja Mata! / じゃまた！/ See you later!

-FCDH

First Impressions of Japan

Hello Readers,

A week has passed in Japan, and I'm offering my first impressions here.

Living Quarters: There is simply one word for it: amazing. My lodging here (which is mostly paid for by the National Institute for Materials Science, my employer), is absolutely amazing.

The picture on the left is a picture of the apartment / dormitory complex that I am currently staying at in Japan. There's a library, central courtyard (where I had a bbq with a bunch of random students from Tsukuba University), and workout room. I live in a double room by myself (they must have ran out of singles), and I love it every single day I am here.

I also have a bike! Awesome way to exercise. Last Saturday and Sunday alone, I biked 80km.

Food: Most people will know that I love most food in general. But Japanese food has always been one of my favorites. Sashimi (raw fish slices) and ramen are two of my favorite food in the world. I've eaten ramen almost every day at lunchtime at the cafeteria, and it's so amazing. Sure, the 500 yen price sounds astronomical, but it's almost cheaper than a Subway footlong.

Work: I've only started, but I already have a good feeling about working at NIMS. The people there are very friendly, and I am quite astonished that I actually know what they are talking about! Thanks a lot for your education, ECE department, for all the semiconductor classes!! (As a side note - I recommend anyone wanting to shock others on semiconductor knowledge to take the ECE 440/444/488/495 combo. This has re-emphasized the hallowed status that they give to our university in the realms of semiconductors - thanks to the inventors of the transistors / LED / Quantum well laser / Transistor laser here).

Weather: Most people told me it would be rainy. Well instead it's rained 1 day and been sunny every other day here...and I love it.

I am loving Japan as of right now. However, even through my enthusiasm and openness, there are some subtle flash points that I am keeping a close watch on. For one thing, I am keeping a tight lid on the fact that I am gay - it's not accepted in Japanese culture, plus I don't know how my French friends may react (if any of you are reading this - please let me know how you feel). Also, the more Japanese work ethics and behaviors I see, the more apprehensive I am slowly becoming. It's also extremely hard to make Japanese friends, because of the lack of interaction and the fact that they all seem to be so shy. I am also beginning to feel somewhat lonely here, but perhaps I will be able to fix that as I continue adapting.

I will travel to Tokyo this Saturday, to visit Yurina Nomura-san, who is my contact with IAESTE Japan. I am looking forward to it...and to purchasing what will most likely become thousands of yen's worth of postcards. Oh well...it's my obligation as a global wanderer to do so.

Till the next post!

-FCDH

Le Bibliotheque

Such majestic balls of light

Floating in mid-air

Hanging over a drop

Over a hardened heart

Over a lonely arbiter

A matrix of spikes

Overwhelming the senses

Advancing towards me

Metal bars stand in the way

Sullenly doing their duty

Stare blankly at them I did

Our Lady Peace in my ear I heard

Decades of history around me I saw

Sterility in the air I smelled

Blankness in my heart I felt

Why are we trapped by what we know?

A Priori is imprisoning me

My heart does not settle

My dreams are haunted property

My soul is twisted tightly

I told the bird to take flight

And take flight it did

But its wings grow tired by the day

And mockingbirds stream past

All flying in the other way

As I saw the Lotus settle

Everything returned to normal

Just another hallucination

Of a perfectly lucid mind

Polluted by the fumes of fear

Without a backwards glance

I spread my wings

And take to the air again

Looking for tomorrow's salvation

In the ashes of today

-FCDH

06/07/2010

Israel's Failure at Suppressing Democracy

In life, there are many situations where we must sacrifice a part of what we have in order to preserve the remnants, instead of losing everything that we have. This also holds in democracy. Many countries in the world, including the US, regularly suppress democracy as a means of preserving it. The only difference is, when we "suppress" democracy, we are silencing entire parts of the human population, and forcing alternative choices upon them to choose. It is de facto a page taken from the authoritarian regimes...so why do we do it?

Most countries do not allow political parties to exist, whose goals are to split up the country or compromise its national security in any way. This is true for the USA (no Confederate parties), Germany (no NAZI parties), China (no other parties at all). An exception must be made to Canada - congratulations for allowing for the existence of the Bloc Quebecois party, whose primary goal is to allow the Canadian province of Quebec to secede and become its own country.

However, when the clause for national security is taken farther than the country's own borders, there is an immediate ethical issue regarding it. There are several examples of foreign-fueled overthrow of democratically elected governments: Salvador Allende in Chile, Sandinistas in Nicaragua, and others.

But none of these interventions had the direct human impact of Israel's blockade of Gaza. We must remember that the Hamas government came to power through a legitimate election in the Palestinian Territories. And because of their democratic decision, the people of Gaza were to be punished with a crushing blockade that includes non-weapon items such as canned fruits or notebooks. Israel is hoping that, through punishing the Gazan populace with miserable (see: human rights abuse) living conditions, that they will reject the Hamas government and elect a better government (see: Israel-leaning government).

However, Israel is missing one important point: it is directly punishing the people that it is relying on to make this regime change. And unlike Israel, Hamas is trying its best to provide essentials to the people, to make their living conditions bearable. It is providing goods that are stopped by the blockades (albeit through smuggling), it has rebuilt much of Gaza City after the war with Israel, it has provided healthcare to those who need it. Is it really any surprise that, despite many years of miserable living conditions, the people of Gaza still choose to support Hamas instead of Israel?

And now, with the whole Peace Flotilla issue, Israel cannot stand to lose any more respect and standing in the world. Its human rights abuses are no longer being dismissed by the US, and it has lost Turkey as its most important ally in the Middle East. Hamas has still remained as an immovable force in Gaza, and people are increasingly shifting blame of the Israel-Palestinian crisis to Israel. Is it unfair that world opinions are shifting this way? Yes - but the burden is put on Israel, being the instigator of the blockade and human right abuses, to justify these actions. And since these actions are not shown to be working, they can no longer be justified.

The American founders encoded this "instigator's burden of proof" concept into the Constitution, and it is the way we have always done things. Americans are not "turning against Israel"... they are simply opening their eyes to Israel's actions, and realizing that it runs contrary to our founding principles. Netanyahu probably sees this, but whether or not he can convince the Knesset and the Israeli populace of the need to lift the blockade, only time will tell.

-FCDH

Ridiculous Conversations I've Had About Homosexuality

After coming out to my parents, I knew that returning to Taiwan to face my parents would be hard. Surprisingly, it wasn’t so bad. I think my mom is fully ok now with me being gay, and my dad seems to be slowly coming around. But the numerous conversations that we had about homosexuality prompted me to write this blog post, though not all of the things in this post came from them.

1. Who will have to dress up as the woman in the relationship?

When this question was first asked to me, it was “who will be the woman in the relationship.” First I thought they were asking about who would be doing what in bed, which would have been an awkward conversation. Luckily after some clarification, it became a simpler question to answer. Excuse me, I’m gay for a reason. That reason is because I find men attractive, not woman. If I wanted someone to dress up as a woman in the relationship, I’d probably just stick with actual women.

2. Why aren’t you more flamboyant?

Because it’s a stereotype. Because I’m comfortable with who I am and how I act, and how I act happens to be non-flamboyant. Because the moons of Saturn have not aligned yet. Because I’m the same person I was?

3. Why did you choose to be gay?

I had an hour long conversation with my mom, in which she kept asking this question. She simply could not understand why I was willing to make this choice and risk being socially ostracized and being an outcast. What I kept said to her: “Well shouldn’t that be enough to convince you that it’s not a choice?” Seriously, I’m happy with who I am now, but if it were a choice I’d choose the safer and more predictable option in a heartbeat. After much repetition of the same argument, she finally accepted the logic.

4. How do you know you’re gay without sleeping with girls?

Both my parents asked me this. I answered by asking my dad and my mom if they had ever slept with members of the same sex. When they said no, I told them that the way they knew they were straight is the same way I knew I was gay. I even traveled a harder path than they did: I convinced myself to go into a relationship with a wonderful girl in the hopes that it might change me, before I was finally “sure” in their eyes. Where’s their same-sex relationships to make sure of their sexuality?

5. Why don’t you change yourself in order not to be gay?

When my dad asked me this, I responded by asking him if he thought he could become un-gay in the hypothetical situation that he were gay. He said that he thought he could, through determination and will. I then asked him if he thought he could change himself into a gay person from the person he is now, through the same “determination and will”, and he was silent. There are no one-way roads in this matter…either it’s possible both ways or it’s not possible at all.

6. You’re gay because there are no girls in engineering.

If this is true, then I truly feel sorry for all the guys in engineering…as they will all be gay.

7. You’re gay because you have no friends.

Both my parents said this to me several times. Out of all of the conversations, this one was the one I actually felt some anger and not simply annoyance…yes, please add oil to the fire by insinuating that the son that you don’t know at all has no social ability and cannot make friends, in addition to being a disgrace to the family. Sheesh.

There are more, but I think I’ll stop here for now. All-in-all, I’m extremely glad I told my parents, and things have gone better than even I could have hoped. I’ve become a better person through it all, and I hope I can continue to eliminate homophobia in the world.

Hope whoever is reading is having a good summer!

-FCDH

How to Live Life

In my opinion, one does not appreciate life until one is able to understand oneself. In my various bouts of depression, I've come to understand myself extremely well, and I definitely think it's one of the keys to being able to love life.

I will try not to delve on myself in this blog post. Instead, I want to give tips on how to best live a healthy and fulfilling life, in my opinion. Healthy not as meaning a balanced intake of your basic food groups every day, but a life that is healthy for the mind - psychological health. Everybody will see life differently, so please take this post with a grain of salt - it's written from my point of view. So here goes.

1) Find your passion and KNOW it.
There's nothing that I hate more than to meet someone who has no passions. It's fine to say "I don't know what I want to do with my degree" or "I don't know what to do in the future", but I think it's an absolute offense to the world for someone not to have any sort of passions. Everyone has at least one, often many - mine is knowledge, food, and music, others might like linking together circuits to create devices, or designing a city, or something else. Even if your study is not related to it, it's fine. The point of having a passion is to have a purpose to fall back upon. It's extremely easy to become disenchanted with life when there's nothing holding you to the world.

2) Accept life as a given
Everything in life happens for a reason. Most of the time, that reason is yourself - the mere fact that you exist means that stuff will happen to you. It's inevitable. It's not always what we choose. But that's what makes life so interesting, no? I used to lament on my homosexuality, and I used to wish that I could simply be normal. But now, I've accepted it and embraced it as a part of myself, and I've grown to love life even more by doing it. Everyone is unique, and nothing is better or worse than anything else - what matters is what we make with what is given to us, and that's completely in our hands to control.

3) Do not live with regrets
I've gradually learned this lesson painfully for the past 8 years - as a closeted individual in elementary school and secondary school, I've been afraid of ever coming out, mostly because of my family. But as I found myself in college, my fear of repressing myself forever began to battle my fear of coming out, until eventually it won - and I came out of the closet. I believe this point to be the most important point you could ever have in life. You only live life a certain way once, so why would you live in regret? If you are afraid of doing something, ask yourself this question: will I be more afraid of facing myself for the rest of my life not doing this thing? Every decision you make should be a conscientious decision. If you choose to do something, stick with your decision and don't second-guess yourself - you merely chose a path through life, one of many. You may not like the outcome, and that's fine, but never regret the fact that you made that decision. If you choose not to do something, do so conscientiously, and don't regret your decision. If you think you will regret it, then you need to swallow your fears and do it - because you never want to second-guess your decisions in life.

4) Know your limits, and set no limits beyond what is absolutely necessary
A lot of times, opportunity arises unexpectedly, and are only evanescent for an instant. You'll need to make a snap decision, and you'll either grasp it or lose it. In these times, it is important to know yourself and your limits really well, so that you don't dawdle and lose the opportunity. Apart from this, it is also important to try new things in life, so that you experience the most out of life. There's a difference between sensible fears and irrational fears, and I think we should all try to overcome our irrational fears.

5) Smile, Joke, and Laugh!

One of my friends asked me the other day how I am able to engage people in conversation so well, whether it's a bartender or barista or even random stranger on the street. I basically gave him one hint: smile more when you talk. He came back a week later and said it seems to work wonders. But that's a lesson - society is not supposed to be impersonal and cold. When we open our hearts, good things will happen. I've gotten free food and drinks from places just because I initiated a conversation with the barista / server while waiting for them to make the drink / food. Your passions and important to you, so take these seriously in conversation - but for everything else, loosen up and treat it all as a gift you've been given. Because you have - without interactions with each other, we are not human.

6) Do not obsess about how society sees you

You're you, and you're nobody else. Don't conform to what others want you to be - create yourself into the person you want to be, as long as it doesn't prevent others from doing the same things for themselves. For others' reactions, let them think what they will. For example, I often walk around barefoot because it's comfortable - others can deal with it as they see fit. I don't really care that much about how others see me - if I'm dancing on the dance floor, or singing karaoke, I'm thinking only about my own enjoyment and nobody else's. I may dance poorly or sing off-key, but I don't care because I'm enjoying it. Don't let others prevent you from enjoying who you are.

7) Stop and smell the roses

In our daily life as engineers, it is so easy to become so engrossed in our work that we stop seeing the small wonderful things of life. Follow your natural impulses. If the weather is good, go outside and enjoy it. I had an impulse one day to climb the giant bronze monument outside of Grainger as I passed it, so I did - and it was fun. There's a lot we miss when we close off our minds to anything outside of our routine.

8) Try new things!

Is there something gross-looking in the store window that you would never voluntarily try in your life? Go try it - test out your intuition. I've tried the weirdest foods this way - cow tongues, duck tongues, cow lungs, dog meat, frog meat, crocodile meat, sea horses, crayfish, and much more. If anything, you confirm your fears and never try it again. But at least you'll be able to say "hey I got up the courage to try this even though I didn't think I could." I've done the most difficult things in life this way. Skydiving, debating, studying abroad, and rock climbing being some of the most prominent ones. Life never gets dull this way!

9) Know that you are stronger, more capable, and more resilient than you think

Most of us have never truly pushed our boundaries of capabilities in life, but I think we'd all be surprised at what we can withstand if needed. I set a challenging goal for myself every semester to constantly test the waters of my capabilities. When people ask me "how do you survive taking 22 hours??" I tell them - you sign up for it and you'll survive it. Many of us have constructed imaginary barriers in our minds that prevent us from actually using all of our skills at our disposal, but if we just believe in ourselves, we find that we are actually much more capable than we imagined. But don't take my word for it - try it out for yourself.

10) Constantly engage those around you to be better

I'm saddened whenever I see potential capabilities in people go unused or wasted. My goal is always to strive to make those around me become better people. In the process, I've made myself a better person and made some of my closest friends this way.

So there you go, those are all the things I can think of right now. I'm sure that there are more things that can be said, and that some people will be extremely uncomfortable with following some of the things on this list. But hey, this is how I interact with the world, and I'm happy with it.

-FCDH