Ridiculous Conversations I've Had About Homosexuality

After coming out to my parents, I knew that returning to Taiwan to face my parents would be hard. Surprisingly, it wasn’t so bad. I think my mom is fully ok now with me being gay, and my dad seems to be slowly coming around. But the numerous conversations that we had about homosexuality prompted me to write this blog post, though not all of the things in this post came from them.

1. Who will have to dress up as the woman in the relationship?

When this question was first asked to me, it was “who will be the woman in the relationship.” First I thought they were asking about who would be doing what in bed, which would have been an awkward conversation. Luckily after some clarification, it became a simpler question to answer. Excuse me, I’m gay for a reason. That reason is because I find men attractive, not woman. If I wanted someone to dress up as a woman in the relationship, I’d probably just stick with actual women.

2. Why aren’t you more flamboyant?

Because it’s a stereotype. Because I’m comfortable with who I am and how I act, and how I act happens to be non-flamboyant. Because the moons of Saturn have not aligned yet. Because I’m the same person I was?

3. Why did you choose to be gay?

I had an hour long conversation with my mom, in which she kept asking this question. She simply could not understand why I was willing to make this choice and risk being socially ostracized and being an outcast. What I kept said to her: “Well shouldn’t that be enough to convince you that it’s not a choice?” Seriously, I’m happy with who I am now, but if it were a choice I’d choose the safer and more predictable option in a heartbeat. After much repetition of the same argument, she finally accepted the logic.

4. How do you know you’re gay without sleeping with girls?

Both my parents asked me this. I answered by asking my dad and my mom if they had ever slept with members of the same sex. When they said no, I told them that the way they knew they were straight is the same way I knew I was gay. I even traveled a harder path than they did: I convinced myself to go into a relationship with a wonderful girl in the hopes that it might change me, before I was finally “sure” in their eyes. Where’s their same-sex relationships to make sure of their sexuality?

5. Why don’t you change yourself in order not to be gay?

When my dad asked me this, I responded by asking him if he thought he could become un-gay in the hypothetical situation that he were gay. He said that he thought he could, through determination and will. I then asked him if he thought he could change himself into a gay person from the person he is now, through the same “determination and will”, and he was silent. There are no one-way roads in this matter…either it’s possible both ways or it’s not possible at all.

6. You’re gay because there are no girls in engineering.

If this is true, then I truly feel sorry for all the guys in engineering…as they will all be gay.

7. You’re gay because you have no friends.

Both my parents said this to me several times. Out of all of the conversations, this one was the one I actually felt some anger and not simply annoyance…yes, please add oil to the fire by insinuating that the son that you don’t know at all has no social ability and cannot make friends, in addition to being a disgrace to the family. Sheesh.

There are more, but I think I’ll stop here for now. All-in-all, I’m extremely glad I told my parents, and things have gone better than even I could have hoped. I’ve become a better person through it all, and I hope I can continue to eliminate homophobia in the world.

Hope whoever is reading is having a good summer!

-FCDH