Love the World...by Yourself

Hi Readers!

First, an update.

It's been another busy week! I finally finished my 109-slide powerpoint for work (whew!) documenting pretty much everything I ever learned about semiconductors, as well as some new things I learned about the use of diamond in UV detectors. Seriously, I could probably use this to give a couple of lectures and seminars on semiconductors. My supervisor assigned me the ppt 3 weeks ago, and I went back in a week with 30 slides (which I thought was long enough)...and he was like "why is it so short? 50 slides should be the absolute minimum and you should be aiming for 100!" So voila...109 slides. (There will be people sleeping in my powerpoint presentation next week, no doubt about it. =P) Next week I should be starting to actually do the hands on research, which I am excited about! Just hope that theoretical results will be reflected in our experimental results.

So this blog post is concerning a topic which I find intriguing. It's about loving the world...without the influence of others. I am somewhat curious about how other people perceive the world. Here's some background info.

It seems that, everywhere I seem to go in the world, people view partying and drinking and socializing as THE way to relax and spend your Friday nights. As humans are naturally social creatures (apart from some people), it seems only natural to do this. But lately I've began to deviate and reject this approach to having fun. Sure, you might meet interesting people in a bar, or get drunk and have fun...but at the end, it seems so superficial. It is beginning to feel like a chore, to constantly hang around your friends, to seek pleasure from your interactions with them. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I don't like to think that I am dependent upon others for my enjoyment.

Therefore, I've started to peel away from some of the more "social" activities here in Japan. Instead of going with the big group of researchers to drink coffee after lunch, I now go for long bike rides by myself in the free hour we have. I've discovered beautiful farmland and scenery, and I take joy in discovering new places, and getting lost amongst the winding roads in Japan. I feel so free, when I am by myself and can simply wander as I wish, not needing an itinerary or doing what I've traditionally done, which was to cram as much in as possible and to do what everyone else was doing.

I asked a friend a couple of days ago, what he thought the real purpose of tourism was. In my mind, many people simply visit famous places and take pictures, so that they can show others "hey I was here!". I used to be one of these people. But here again, is an "others"-oriented approach. I believe that tourism should be no different than living life. If I don't really care about seeing the Eiffel Tower when I am in Paris..why would I visit it? But others would say ("you traveled all the way to Paris and didn't see the Eiffel Tower?")

Last summer, I was in Madrid, and I used to look upon my fellow students' behaviors with somewhat astonishment. They traveled all the way to Spain...to go relax in the city park on a Saturday afternoon? I snubbed my nose at them and I traveled to Segovia instead...but when I look back, it wasn't really the better decision by any means. I didn't really care about seeing the Cathedral there, only about taking pictures of everything I could see there, so I could prove that I didn't waste my time in Spain.

Prove to who? Others. But should I have to care what others think about my trip to Spain or how I use my time? No.

I'm conflicted about how to state my point that I am trying to make in this post, or even how to create a coherent point from a vague feeling I have. It's not that friends are not necessary - they are, definitely. But I feel that it is extremely important to become self-sufficient in society. The people I see, who go to bars every weekend, come across as somewhat needy and lacking in self-sufficiency. To crave human interactions is not a bad thing...but to spend all your free time on it seems to be somewhat destructive to personal development. Spending time by yourself, or being a loner, is not any worse than being at a party or a social gathering. But it contradicts what we are constantly bombarded with in society, that loners are not cool and live miserable lives. Ultimately, I want to be able to be comfortable and content by myself - with happiness derived from me and me alone, and not from others.

(I think I am slowly becoming a loner. Sorry for this incoherent post.)

-FCDH