It's the night before the convex optimization final exam, and somehow I cannot sleep. It is probably the sheer amount of caffeine that I consumed tonight.
For some odd reason, I cannot stop thinking about my parents tonight. I am so troubled by what will happen to our relationship in the years to come. My dad, being the type of person he is, may likely never accept me as a son again post the coming out process. What will happen when he retires from work? We live thousands of miles apart from each other; a good son would take care of the parents when he has the means to do so. Yet I cannot reconcile between my duties as a son and my duties to myself. Am I supposed to move them to America? Move back to Taiwan? Does it even matter, if I can never fulfill their dreams of marrying a wife and starting a family? My parents have sacrificed their whole lives for other people - for my grandparents, and for my sister and I. Their time to sacrifice should be over, yet I cannot fathom how I can make their lives better without turning my back on myself and who I am.
The thought of my family makes me so miserable. I hate feeling helpless. Like I feel for this exam right now.
-FCDH
Friday, March 15, 2013
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Love, family will be family. They'll accept you, for who you are .. Don't worry about it. Just pray daily for their good health and leave the rest to God. You are already doing your part, of a dutiful son .. you are studying hard and working hard. That's the biggest gift you can give them.
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