Le Sigh

Hi Readers,

I just kinda had a fight with my boyfriend and now I feel awful about it. Absolutely awful. I wonder how he puts up with me and my stupid antics. I didn't even give him a chance... I was just throwing out my arguments, and not listening to him at all. 

Ever had that feeling when you know "oh crap, I took it one step too far?" Well, it happened to me today. I didn't realize how much of a jerk I was until afterward. I wish I could take it back...I just want to hold him in my arms right now, and tell him how sorry I am to make such a big deal out of nothing. 

The worst part is, he's been joking recently that he didn't realize that I was so mean when he first met me. Now I'm starting to wonder - are they jokes?

I'm remembering some of the horrible things that I've done in the past to different people. 

Maybe inherently I am a bad person. Why did I keep on pressing my argument, even after he has apologized over and over again, and has taken all of the blame on himself? 

I am starting to see some traces of my dad in me. My blood runs cold at the thought. Maybe genetics cannot be averted after all. 

I will have to watch myself more carefully in the future, to make sure I don't just lash out at the people I care about the most. How could I let this happen? 

-FCDH