Hi Readers,
So after taking some time and cooling off, I realized some important things. One, that I blew up the situation too dramatically in the moment. Two, that I was not giving my dad enough credit. And three, that I am being a hypocrite in the situation.
I am basically saying to my family, "look, this is who I am. I won't change for you, so you'll have to come to me." And I whine like a baby about the fact that they won't come to me. When I look at the situation from their eyes, it's the same thing. They are saying, "look, this is who we are. We aren't going to change for you, so you'll have to come to us."
Why should I expect that they will ever come to me? In my opinion it is a very self-centered viewpoint. Our priorities are completely different, and so are our beliefs. I am sure that both our sides look upon our arguments as if it was immutable truth. Their "righteous" rage is on par with my "righteous" rage, and this conflict may never resolve itself.
In any case, in the last communication I had with my mom, she expressed that she didn't mind the way things were going. She didn't mind that I was lying to her and to my dad, and to other people. She didn't mind the fact that she didn't know this side of me. In fact she doesn't want to know this side of me. It's simply the way she has been brought up, and the same holds true for my dad. In the Asian culture, there simply lacks this kind of openness in family relationships. Me bringing up this topic over and over again is simply anathema to them in many ways.
So I shall stop! I tried hard to get them to accept it, because I thought that everybody would be happier once that happened. But I guess I didn't think about the fact that the happiest they might be is just when they can just ignore my sexual orientation and treat it as if it didn't exist. So I guess I will continue doing the status quo and keep them happy, because I can't actually do the thing that will actually make them happy.
The whole coming out episode, starting from when I first told them last April till now, has been one long lesson in American vs. Asian cultural differences. I've lost a lot of my Asian-ness, and this is just another reminder that people don't think the same way as I do. Just because it works for me doesn't mean that it works for them.
That's all for now. Toodles.
-FCDH
So after taking some time and cooling off, I realized some important things. One, that I blew up the situation too dramatically in the moment. Two, that I was not giving my dad enough credit. And three, that I am being a hypocrite in the situation.
I am basically saying to my family, "look, this is who I am. I won't change for you, so you'll have to come to me." And I whine like a baby about the fact that they won't come to me. When I look at the situation from their eyes, it's the same thing. They are saying, "look, this is who we are. We aren't going to change for you, so you'll have to come to us."
Why should I expect that they will ever come to me? In my opinion it is a very self-centered viewpoint. Our priorities are completely different, and so are our beliefs. I am sure that both our sides look upon our arguments as if it was immutable truth. Their "righteous" rage is on par with my "righteous" rage, and this conflict may never resolve itself.
In any case, in the last communication I had with my mom, she expressed that she didn't mind the way things were going. She didn't mind that I was lying to her and to my dad, and to other people. She didn't mind the fact that she didn't know this side of me. In fact she doesn't want to know this side of me. It's simply the way she has been brought up, and the same holds true for my dad. In the Asian culture, there simply lacks this kind of openness in family relationships. Me bringing up this topic over and over again is simply anathema to them in many ways.
So I shall stop! I tried hard to get them to accept it, because I thought that everybody would be happier once that happened. But I guess I didn't think about the fact that the happiest they might be is just when they can just ignore my sexual orientation and treat it as if it didn't exist. So I guess I will continue doing the status quo and keep them happy, because I can't actually do the thing that will actually make them happy.
The whole coming out episode, starting from when I first told them last April till now, has been one long lesson in American vs. Asian cultural differences. I've lost a lot of my Asian-ness, and this is just another reminder that people don't think the same way as I do. Just because it works for me doesn't mean that it works for them.
That's all for now. Toodles.
-FCDH
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