Last summer when I was in Japan, I wrote about being self-sufficient in living a social life and doing the activities that one could do. This summer, armed with a cellphone (versus last summer when I didn't have one) and located in a city with a plethora of activities, I set out to explore a little bit more details of being by yourself vs. being with friends.
I am sure that most people grew up being around other people, whether it be family or friends. My hypothesis is that this makes us reliant on others for the activities that we do when we have the free time. But how this affects our psyche and our potential range of activities is an important consideration. This is why I want to explore this issue - because it may be a factor in our quest in living a happier life.
To explore this issue, I combined a host of activities this summer, both group-based and solo-based. I noticed a couple of trends.
The larger group activities were mostly about socializing, while the solo and small group activities were mostly about exploring. Both were fun, but I got a strong sense of limited-by-common-denominator when we hung out in groups. I would say that, through the group activities, I had more fun but developed almost no additional skills or new knowledge. We visited the Oasis as a group, where we watched an amazing sunset over Lake Travis. We went rock climbing together, which I guess developed the skills of other people but not of myself since I planned it. I also planned a group trip to go bungee jumping, which was really the only activity this summer that gave me a new experience in life.
As a person constantly in search of new experiences and knowledge, I found myself trying to put together various trips and activities that excited me. However, I had a difficult time trying to find groups that would be willing to go with me. It was for this reason that only one major group success - bungee jumping - emerged out of the summer. No visits to the Schlitterbahn Waterpark (the best waterpark in the US), no jet skiing or water skiing on Lake Travis, both of which were big losses for me. One question lingers in my mind though - why didn't I just go by myself? What was holding me back from doing that?
At the beginning of the summer, I though it was easier to embark on solo trips. Which I did - exploring downtown Austin's scenery and food scene, the rural Texas areas surrounding Austin, and hiking at Enchanted Rock. However, whenever I do go alone, why is it that I always think - I wish others could be here to see this? Why do I feel a slight tinge of sadness at being alone by myself when I am exploring these new things? As the summer progressed, it became harder to do things by myself. When many of my intern friends began leaving, it became even harder, and things just seems a little bit duller.
Being with other people in a group just seems right. It is probably a social norm that's been instilled into me by the culture around me. So I think that I will ultimately settle for doing things with other people. It doesn't have to be gigantic groups of people, but I think I need to be with at least one other person in order to have fun. I will probably end up doing what I did this summer, which is to plan events that I personally want to try out, and find some people that are willing to go with me. The problem is - what if nobody wants to come? Who will I go with for outdoor climbing at Yosemite?
A bigger question - as me and the people around me grow older, I'm positive they will all become more tied up. Responsibilities galore, essentially. Will I be able to find people to try out stuff with? How will I find my experience/knowledge fix then? My current supervisor is a good example of this. He used to be a daredevil with paragliding, rock climbing, base jumping, you name it. If it's wild and dangerous, he's tried it. But now? He has a wife, two kids, and he says he can no longer do any of those things. When I ask him if he misses it, he always smiles wistfully and says "a bit, but my priorities have changed."
Perhaps that's what being with someone does to you. You are no longer by yourself in the world, after all.
-FCDH
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